After last week’s crazy ass episode, I am so excited to get back to this insane world!
I was on the edge of my couch for the entire episode. It was so ridiculous. And I have so much to talk about.
I already knew about FP being the Sheriff. I saw the pictures on Just Jared. So there’s that. Also, I was sad to see Archie was still alive.
That idiot. Jughead’s voice over was hilarious:
At 8.47 on a Wednesday morning, Archie Andrews died. At least, the Archie we knew. What returned to Riverdale was someting far different from the red-headed boy next door. He was now a stranger with dark hair and scars, both inside and out.Jughead
Oh, Archie is alive. By the way.
ZERO SUSPENCE. NOT EVEN A SINGLE MOMENT.
It was straight up the first scene of the episode. It’s like with Season 2’s reveal of the Blackhood. It made no sense and I hated it.
The fucker goes to see Veronica and… guess what? They have sex. Was there any doubt?!
And we understand Archie has changed because… HE DIDN’T ORDER HIS USUAL MILKSHAKE?! MIND-BLOWN.
Can we just talk about the fact that Alice Cooper spent her daughter’s college found on the farm? That’s absolutely ridiculous and I can’t believe what a terrible parent she is. She is so brainwashed and broken… I feel terrible for her.
Look at FP’s smirk!
Apparently, in the mist of all of this, the kids have managed to STUDY for the SATs and the Principal suggest Archie repeats his Junion Year. This whole SAT thing was superfluous. It’s already so insane! You don’t need this to shout: “Look! It’s normal teen drama! They go to school! They take the SATs.”
Nobody fucking believes you.
Veronica crushes Reggie’s spirit and I kind of feel sad for him. He has grown so much in the past seasons. He is still a douchebag because that hurtful comment of Archie’s PTS and emotional reaction was totally uncalled for.
To get her money back, Betty needs to prove her mother forged her father’s signature and SHE GOES TO PRISON TO VISIT HIM!?
We all knew this was going to happen but I so didn’t want it to.
This conversation between Archie and Reggie takes place and it’s hilarous. I laughed for ages. I had to pause the episode!
“Dude! What the hell happened? How did you get those scars?”
“I was attacked by a bear”.Reggie and Archie
Aside from Reggie’s ignorance regarding mental health and PTS, this scene was magnificent. I loved it. I mean, he shamed Archie for being “messed up” and that’s deplorable.
Jughead meets Fangs
(Quick recap: exhiled for dealing drugs, now undercover in the Gargoyle Gang)
and he tells him the Gargoyle King wants to meet him. So they go into the wood, attack them and guess who the Gargoyle King is?!
He works for Hiram!
Veronica throws a “welcome back Archie!” party and it tanks so bad. Especially when he runs out of the club. He is still in shock, he almost died in the dumbest possible way, he was shived, he went to prison and it’s perfectly normal he is dealing with some shit.
But I don’t care about him. I care about Bughead in the background. Look at my babies!!!
I LOVE THEM.
Hiram treats Hermione as garbage and this was one of the most annoying scenes ever. He belittled her like she was nothing. It’s the exact same tone a lot of men use when talking to me and it drives me nuts. You sexist pigs.
Hal Cooper tries to claim he was the OG Gargoyle King by talking to Betty about ascension and he makes her come back to him! Like the manipulating monster that he is.
He says he was the one who murdered Principal Featherhead.
Also, like the idiot he is, Reggie tells Archie about the kiss he shared with Veronica and things to not go well.
This amazing exchange happens:
Archie finds Veronica in his room and:
Let’s finish this conversation tomorrw. But tonight… can we be together?Archie
And guess what? They have sex again. I’m so over this. It’s like the “prison sex” in episode 5.
STOP HAVING SEX AND TALK TO EACH OTHER.
Archie walks out of the SATs the following morning and punches a mirror. It might seem irrelevant but…
DADDY GETS SHOT!
I knew that Hiram was going to get injured by somebody. Because I saw a picture of him in hospital gown and wires stuck up his nose. What I didn’t know was that the scene came out of the blue. I was very surprised by it. It was shot beautifully so… That’s a positive thing in this episode. The scene of Hiram getting shot was beautiful.
When Archie goes to the hospital to visit Veronica she askes him if it was him who shot Daddy. He had walked out of the SATs so he would have had the time to go and shoot Hiram!
And after she accuses him of trying to kill Daddy, they break up for good.
Poor Betty finds out the Farm used he money to buy The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy and, understandably, she freaks out.
I really like how much Betty cared about her education and going to college. And that her mother couldn’t give less of a shit about her future. I think this is the lowest Alice has ever stooped down to.
Wow… That’s actually not true. I mean, she did lock both of her daughters in a weird convent and psychologically destroyed them both.
BUT WAIT! IT’S NOT OVER.
FANGS AND SWEET PEA KILLED TALL BOY
And Jughead is like:
We’re gonna throw a party.Jughead
Dude. What the fuck?!
Didn’t Jughead learn anythin from FP in season 1? YOU DISPOSE OF A BODY AND YOU GO TO JAIL, BITCH.
Also, enough with the guns! Seriously! Stop giving guns to children!
Then we see this weird scene with Hermione and FP and she is like:
“That’s now why I called you here FP. I think It’s time.”
*FP nods and smirks at her*Hermione and FP
Are they in cahoots together? Are they cahoot-ing?
Reggie and Veronica hug, the Serpents party is thrown and Betty talks to her psychopath of a father.
Let’s just say, the fact that Betty went to her murderous father for advice and to feel heard and understood by somebody, is really really really bad. And I don’t like this one bit. The mind games her dad is able to play on her are terrifying.
BUT IT’S NOT OVER!
Hiring FP as the sheriff makes literally no sense. Haven’t they seen the list of priors and convictions he has? I mean, he went to jail because he disposed of Jason’s body.
I was surprised by Hermione‘s involvement in FP’s election as the new sheriff of Riverdale. Is she also behind her husbands failed assassination attempt?
Is she going to take down Daddy? After the way he spoke to her in this episode, I wouldn’t be surprised she was. But who is also working with her and FP? It seemed like they had talked about it extensively and that there’s a plan beneath all of this.
I have one thousand questions and I want answers now!
What did you think of the episode?! Let’s talk!