Life Update: September/October 2017

I’ve been pretty absent from the wordpress world lately. Life got busy and this takes so much time!!!

I have a lot of posts I have started writing and never finished, but this morning I took the pictures for my Summer/Autumn haul (yes, I am very behind) and for the post I’ve been cooking for months: 4 favourite red lipsticks.

Anyway, these two months have been surprisingly great! Mentally, I’ve been doing incredibly well. I am actually going to university, I got my driver’s licence and I’ve been working as a teacher for one afternoon a week plus two hours of tutoring.

It’s not much, especially money-wise, but I haven’t cried in a long time.

I’ve started wearing make-up everyday again, I got super obsessed with Brooklyn Nine Nine… I think in the span of two weeks I’ve seen every single Brooklyn Nine Nine episode ever made at least three times. Maybe even four.

Brooklyn Nine Nine

My closest friend got super obsessed with it and we’ve been geeking out like crazy.

Going back to the makeup part for a second, I think I FINALLY found my correct shade of foundation. Jury is still out, but I’m almost sure. (I still have doubts). And I’ve been experimenting with highlighters. To tell the truth, it’s a champagne-y eyeshadow my friend bought me and I’m not really positive it looks good. I am 75% sure it’s just glitter on my face.

I haven’t listened to ANY podcasts in a while. I was obsessed with the entire “crocked media” family but it takes up so much of my time!

I’ve also been reading!

(This post is just the most random thing ever. It’s literally a stream of consciousness kind of situation.)

Every time I watch a booktube video I get super inspired and I’ve almost reached my 2017 reading goal AGAIN! I am pretty chuffed with that…

Also, I’ve started driving alone. And even though I was pretty scared, it’s not too bad. I even put music on the other day. I could barely hear it (because I was scared I was going to get distracted, cause an incident and die), but today I almost sang an entire “Hamilton” song. (It was “My Shot”, if you’re wondering).

Anyway, I think I’m done. This doesn’t even make that much sense, but who cares!

I’ll try to be more consistent, since there are many topics I wish to discuss and get into.

Have a great day.

xxx

Georgia

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FINALLY!!!

I have written a couple of posts regarding my driver’s license (Getting My Driver’s Licence and May Favourites (and not) 2017) and my frustration with the driving lessons.

On October 12th, I had my exam. The actual practical test in which I had to drive around the city with my instructor and the examiner.

I was told to get there at 2:45 PM and guess what? I got in the car at 5:40. Of course I wasn’t nervous! Waiting 3 hours in a room with 3 other idiots who kept freaking out and telling the world the worst possible (and impossible) situation.

If it weren’t a crime, I would have strangled them. I was scared of taking this. I didn’t want to fail and have to take the exam a months later.

The test itself wasn’t that bad. I agreed with everything the examiner said, tuned her out when she was being insufferable and chatted about villas and houses when we were stuck behind train barriers for 10 minutes.

Due to this inconvenience, we were forced to take another route. A route I have never taken in my entire life. I thought it had no exit. I went through an underground passage! With a steep hill! I was terrified!

BUT I DID PASS!!!

It was all so quick! We got out of the car, she didn’t say a word and then she started writing things on pieces of paper. She made me sign my file and then she gave me my licence! Just like that!

She didn’t say anything, she just handed me my badge and that was it.

Don’t you worry, I am still absolutely terrified of driving. COMPLETELY PARALYZED WITH FEAR. As soon as I get more comfortable with driving on my own (something I’ve never done before), I’ll be unstoppable.

 

 

 

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I did it!

I passed my english exam.

I’ve literally just found out! I ran to my mom sobbing and mumbling: “I passed the exam! I got a 28/30!”

After that, I stood there for 10 minutes sheding litres and litres of tears. My mom and I talked some more, about my uni life and the choices I have to make in the next months.

Aside from that, I texted my friend to meet me saturday for our traditional celebratory smoothie and I am trying to be more positive. Tomorrow I’m supposed to go to a class and it’s killing me. I have to attend this one, because it’s about poetry in the 16th Century. SO BORING. I’m not really interested in that. I was hoping in more victorian books.

Today I’m going to pay my fee and go for a driving lesson. Despite my numbness regarding everything, I am tying to survive.

 

Hugging

Today my mom hugged me. And not in a congratulatory “Happy Birthday” or “Happy New Year” way. We hadn’t hugged like that since that morning in high school, when I basically had a breakdown in the bathroom.

This time, we stumbled upon each other in the kitchen and she hugged me.

So of course, I’ve been crying for 20 minutes. I don’t know what happened, she put her arms around me and tear came out of my eyes.

I haven’t had the best weekend, counting the days until I HAVE to go back to Uni. I was supposed to go today. But last night while I was watching the Emmys I couldn’t keep my heart beat down. I felt something on my chest, something that suffocated me and my heart kept pounding. It took me quite a long time to make it stop.

At 4.30AM I wrote to the friend I was supposed to meet at the train station that I got a bug my little cousin had yesterday at lunch. She was sick. I am not. I couldn’t help by lie. I know that it’s horrible, but I can’t talk to people. I can’t tell them what I truly feel.

Anyway, I didn’t go and I’ve been feeling like shit all day. Extremely happy about the Emmys, but basically dead inside. It’s all a “guilt” problem. That I already knew.

But getting hugged by my mom was what sent me over the edge. She is not a very physical person. Aside from a pat (it’s more like an affectionate slap, actually on the leg, we don’t really touch.

I don’t know what’s happening to me.

While we were hugging in the middle of the kitchen, my sister came in. I couldn’t let her see me cry. I think she knows that something isn’t right. I think she might have seen me cry a couple of times. When I couldn’t hide it. She hasn’t said anything, thought. What could she say?

I’ll be trying to go to Uni on Wednesday, since there is English 3. And that shouldn’t cause me any stress. As if.

I’m going to lay down now. I already feel the post-crying-headache coming on.