Missing two trains, Univeristy stuff and headaches

On Wednesday, I had the worst day.

It was really bad.

Weirdly enough, mentally, I was almost ok. But let’s start from the beginning: I emailed a few of my university professor in order to get the materials to study for my exams and so I had to go to Uni and actually talk to them. I need to do at least 2 exams this year or my mom will have a heart attack and I will have to explain to people why I didn’t, so in order to avoid all of this lying and unnecessary stress, I’m doing this. Even if it devastates me.

IMG_6628Anyway, I knew that if I didn’t have anyone pushing me to go talks to the professors, I wouldn’t have gone. But I did.

To summon everything up, my friend arrived late to pick me up and we missed out train. So we arrived in Venice late and therefore I got to the building where the professor was holding meetings late and I spent an hour waiting. Then we went back to the station and guess what? We missed the train AGAIN because my friend was again LATE.

But I held it. I didn’t say anything, I stayed calm. Even though this caused me to be late again, I ate in a haste and then I went to tutor some kids. For almost four hours. With an excruciatingly painful headache.

I’ve been suffering from terrible headaches recently. Like this one, they start at midday, I can’t concentrate and even moving ONE muscle feels like nails drilling into my brain.

IMG_6634

I really kept my cool, not a scrap of makeup on my face and kept on smiling. But the real question is: how can you miss two trains in the span of 5 hours. Please tell me. I repeatedly told her I had a full day and no time to waste.  I had to go back the next day and I sooooooo didn’t tell her that I was. I was truly upset.

I hadn’t slept very well the night before. I was so scared about going to Venice and dealing with all of that university stuff. I’ve been doing a little bit better, studying for my driving license exam and opening the uni website without having a panic attack. So, of course, I took this opportunity for actually getting things done.

IMG_6631

Franky, I don’t know what’s been going on with me. Some days are awful. Some are better. This week it’s been good. The last one wasn’t. I sat on my bed crying for a while, feeling too frightened to even get out of the house.

Tomorrow is Easter. The family will gather both on Sunday and on Monday. This means questions, scrutiny and a lot of judgy looks. Let’s hope next week is going to be just as good at this one. Without the missed trains.

Have a nice weekend!

Georgia

Letting It All Out

Today I sat in mt bathroom floor and cried for 20 minutes.

It hadn’t happened in a couple of months and in the last couple of days. I was truly feeling better. I wanted to study, to do things and get my driving licence.

But apparently something inside of me said “No!” and I found myself sobbing next to the washing machine.

Maybe I just needed to let my feelings go. I’ve been meaning to talk about the stupid thing I’m doing, but I knew that if I did, I’d start crying. But I already did cry, so this is the perfect opportunity. What are a couple more tears!

If you look around my blog, it’s easy to see what my passions are: tv series and makeup. And so what am I doing? I’m keeping my brain stimulated all day.

I don’t let myself think. EVER. Not even for a second.

I always have headphones on. I’m listening to the soundtrack of Hamilton, watching Stephen Colbert and John Oliver and of course watching TV series.

And when I’m not listening or watching things, I’m reading Fanfictions or books.

I’m keeping my brain constantly busy, not letting it rest for even a second. I know it’s wrong. I know. I shouldn’t run away from things, but for now, this is it..

Going back to the crying, I don’t really know what happened. I had words with my dad, but that’s just normal. There was nothing to trigger such an extreme reaction.  Maybe I’m tired, I’ve had a busy week.

My mom said that, in order to get better, I need to get out of the house every day. And I did. I got out and I was wearing clothes and no half-clothes/half-pyjamas, I put on make up, I talked to people, I went to see my grandparents, I’ve been working and tutoring a LOT this week and I also did a dozen of mock tests for the driving license.

Frankly, I don’t know what went wrong.

Just today, I went to the market with my friend, took blog photos, made lunch, helped my aunt, worked all afternoon…  I really don’t understand. Maybe I just overdid it.

I already feel a headache coming on: whenever this (the crying) happens, I always feel like I’m numb and my head is exploding.

By the way, I’m writing this for me. I don’t care about sympathy and shit. I just wanted to feel better.

Georgia

Broadchurch Season 3 Premiere

BREAKING NEWS!

DAVID TENNANT IS BACK ON TV!

I can’t believe this day is actually here! I couldn’t wait any longer! David Tennant has a special place in my heart and seeing him back on TV made my day.

I know, I’m a week late with this post: I couldn’t come to terms with the happiness of having David back in my life.

Sirius Black.gif

Sadly, this is the last season that sees DI Alec Hardy (David Tennant) and DS Ellie Miller (or as we better know her “Millah”) fighting crime in a small community in Dorset, England.

After a jaw-dropping first season and a non-equally good second season, in the third one, we are three years in the future. And this time the crime is different.

The past seasons were all about Danny’s murder and the trial of his killer, but the crime that is being discussed is sexual assault.

broadchurch

And they dealt with it in the most sensitive and respectful way. When a horrible thing like this is portrayed on television, there is little to no depth about the difficulties and the immense struggle the victim has to go through. I feel like it’s been normalized and viewers aren’t shocked by it anymore. And this is NOT ok. This “rape culture” has to stop because it’s abominable.

From the first scene of the episode (Trish sat down in front of the police station), we see a different perspective, the victim’s. Chris Chibnall, the show’s writer, decided to approach this topic to raise awareness of the increasing number of unreported sexual assaults in the UK.

Coming back to the rest of the story, the Latimer’s are dealing with life in the best way they can. Beth and Mark are separated and they live in different houses and the two girls (in case you don’t remember Beth found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks after her son’s death).

Mark is also regretting the decision of giving a series of interviews for a book about his son Danny. Speaking of children, Ellie Miller is having some problems with her son Tom, who was caught watching porn at school. Like she didn’t have enough problems already.

Anyway, the episode swallowed me entirely. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Lately, I’ve been easily bored by a lot of series but this kept me focused and on the edge of my seat.

vlcsnap-2015-02-16-22h30m30s228

Also, I reminded me how intense David Tennant’s acting is. His eyes are just… Every time he is on screen, he has this magnetic aura and his tortured expression always takes my breath away. He has a way of owning the screen and transmitting to the audience what the character is feeling. He is one of the finest British actors and I love him dearly. He definitely has a special place in my heart. And his accent on the show is gorgeous. ❤

And can we talk about Julie Hesmondhalgh performance!?! AMAZING!

And obviously the spectacular Olivia Coleman… ❤

gallery-1485882001-broadchurch-episode3-01

I already know that this is probably going to be the highlight of March and probably of 2017.

Let me know if you’ve seen the episode and if you haven’t: GO CHECK IT OUT! NOW!

Georgia

PS: If you’re in the UK, here is a page with websites and phone numbers of rape and sexual abuse helplines.

Going Shopping

Every 6 months my family and I go a shopping centre an hour away from our town. There you can buy designer clothes for really cheap prices. It’s that occasion where you can splurge on expensive things without going bankrupt.

I was excited, really excited. There are 2 makeup store and I can’t even begin to tell you the deals I got last time.

We were 7 women ready to shop. Everyone had stores they wanted to check out and they all had things to buy. My sister was obsessed in finding a winter coat, my mom wanted to buy some no-iron-shirts for my dad and so on.

The main thing for my was to buy makeup I wouldn’t normally wear at really really cheap price. BUT my mother had other ideas: she wanted to buy me a coat.

A thing that is really nice of her, don’t get me wrong. But we arrived at the place at 9.30AM and at 10AM I was already ready to cry.

Going shopping with my mom and aunt is ALWAYS challenging. They judge everything, they comment on everything and they make you feel like shit. And this is only the clothing part of all the criticism that goes on.

My weight, my posture, the shirt I’m wearing, my taste in clothes, my attitude, my haircut, my decisions… It’s really adorable.

I had 12 pair of eyes on me while I was trying them on. I hate being judged. I hate it, hate it, hate it… And my family is really good at it.

I’m not kidding, I tried on at least 8 different coats and some of them didn’t fit me well. I had my eyes set on a short coat but my family didn’t like it, so of course they tried to convince me that the one they liked was “The One”.

I totally felt like I was on an episode of “Say Yes to The Dress”.

I didn’t like the coat, I didn’t feel comfortable in it, but of course they tried to bully me into getting it. But why would I want to please them?

I am fucking 20 years old and I would like to have a say in what I’m wearing. I would NOT like to be judged like every single minute of my life. I feel like in my family having different opinions and different interests means I’m always wrong. I’ve been trying to accept it in the journey of “getting better” but I believe I shouldn’t be demolished like this.

I know, it’s family. It’s what they do. But forcing me to buy a coat by making me feel as I’m nothing is wrong.

IT’S A COAT. A FUCKING COAT. It’s a futile matter! We shouldn’t argue about it! And they kept bringing it up all fucking day!

I know that the solution would have been simple. To cave. But frankly I had too much pride to just give in. I feel like seeing this post from an outsider’s point of view looks absurd. But I felt like I had to stood up for myself. I remember the many many times they forced me into buying things they like (and that I never wore) or the times they insulted something I had bought. I stopped wearing them, I simply took them off, hung in my clothes and after I year or two I gave them to charity.

I don’t do New Year’s resolution because I think they’re dumb, but after I decided to take a semester off, I have goals to achieve in order to get better.

I want to always stand up for myself and spend more time with people I ACTUALLY want to. I want to openly disagree with my family and finally be free!!! Sounds dramatic…

I’m trying to “be positive” (like my mother always says) so

  1. Tonight there are the Golden Globes in America!I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!
  2. Tomorrow my family is going back to work and I can finally relax and start taking photograph for one of my next blog posts (about all the stuff I bought at Pupa and L’Oreal)!

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the rant.

Georgia    🙂

P.S. I have just realized this is my 50th post! Yay!