Tears Streaming Down Your Face

It’s definitely back.

My issues are back in full swing. I haven’t had such bad days in a long time. And the rage. I am angry. All the time.

The following may or may not be a few of the reasons.

Uni has started and I haven’t had the courage to attend any class. Next week I’ll be forced to, so expect another meltdown.


My mom, sister, aunt and cousin are going to Rome in October. Just a mothers-daughters trip. So……… yeah.

They asked me to go a couple of days later and I told them half-joking “Do you think I’m made of money?” Two days later, they came home for 4 tickets. Four.

 

sistinechapel-57ffd66e5f9b5805c2ac4916

They are already planning their trip, booking the visit to the Sistine Chapel and other museums. Great, right? I am happy for them, but I feel a bit left out. Well, a lot left out. I interpreted it like they didn’t care. If they wanted me to go, I could have got the money, I could have put off some expendable expenses (pardon the pun).

So I’ll be home the 28-29-30th of October. Next time I’ll go alone. I don’t know why I feel so upset. I don’t need them.


On top of that, they have commented on my physique (the last time just a couple of minutes ago) like it’s the only thing keeping them alive.

They have regarded my interests as useless, complained I talked about them too much. How is that even possible since I haven’t been speaking much when I’m with them? I don’t even know what to say.

I told them I was a bit tired of hearing about it and they bitterly said: “What? You want to talk about makeup and tv all day?”.

But if I don’t care about the same things as them, I’m the heartless one, the one who doesn’t care. And I don’t.

At the beginning, I was keen on helping them, managing the association’s Facebook page, but now, it’s too much. It’s the only topic they talk about. 24 fucking 7. I can’t stand it anymore. It’s the only topic. I am not exaggerating. They are currently (and have been for at least 2 hours) talking about it and yelling into a phone. I’ve threatened them to burn to whole thing down. As a joke of course. And if it weren’t bad for the environment and a felony, I would have done it a long long time ago.

(update: now my dad has picked up the phone and he is literally screaming to it.)


On top of that, my driving lesson was a disaster. A TOTAL FUCKING DISASTER.

Getting out of the house and interacting with people has been incredibly difficult this week. I received a few calls about my tutoring job and I am terrified. I don’t know why but I am scared. Really scared.

I got invited by a friend to a conference tomorrow and I’m afraid I won’t be able to cover up my inner sadness. And my judg-y friend texted me to go out. I’m not ready to face her. With the rage I am feeling, I will storm out and punch her in the face.


So yeah… Shitty week. And it looks like it won’t get better. Moreover, the official Suits account got in touch with me to send me a prize for being a long time fan, but it’s US shipping only. GREAT. I’m not angry, you are.

The title of this post is, of course, inspired by “Fix You” by Coldplay and with Tom Rosenthal’s “Soon goodbye, now love”, it has been the soundtrack of my sad 4 days.

The only joy has been TV. Like always. At least I have my shows.

xxx

Georgia

p.s. the photo of the sky was taken from the NASA website. Absolutely wonderful.

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Trouble at Uni, exams and breakdowns

I don’t even know where to start.

Basically I’ve been studying for a months and a half for absolutely NOTHING.

A couple of weeks ago, I logged into my uni account to book my english exam. And I made a surprising discovery.

Back in June I wrote this post about the fact that I didn’t pass BOTH my exams. I was called Failure and I wrote it while sobbing on my keyboard. So, yeah. Fun times. πŸ˜…

This almost pulled me back to my dark place. I was so devastated. I had studied for a long time, without attending class and on my own. Anyway, I thought I hadn’t passed my Literature exam. But in reality I did.

This is what happened.

Instead of telling my mother straightaway, I invented a lame excuse about problems with the University server. I saw it said: “Passed: NO” and I never gave it a second look. You don’t want to go back and have your failures mock you in the face.

So when I logged into my account to book my English exam I noticed there wasn’t the box to book the other one, the English Literature one. And of course I freaked out!

So I went to my “libretto”, the page that contains all my marks and it turns out: I did pass it.

Basically, the whole excuse with the university server was true. I had made it up, but apparently there actually WAS a problem and some marks weren’t registed. Mine included. A week after I saw the mark they sent an email saying that there was a mix up but I didn’t see it.

Of course.

I was so relieved but so unbelievably pissed. I WASTED SO MUCH TIME THAT I COULD HAVE SPENT STUDYING FOR A DIFFERENT EXAM.

Anyway, I got a 22 out of 30. Not particularly well but I thought I hadn’t passed it so it’s definitely an improvement.

I am exhausted by all of this and aside from my imediate family and my best friend, I haven’t told anyone else. And my dad made fun of me for the entire day. My mom started laughing every time our eyes met but now the drama is over.



So yeah. This happened. I know I was stupid: I should have check it my uni emails, but I just didn’t want to see the “no” again.

Next time I’ll be checking my emails every single day. Let me know your crazy university stories! The Uni world is a crazy one!

xxx

Georgia

August Favourites 2017

It’s been a busy month. I’ve been studying a lot and haven’t had time to actually HAVE favourite things. But there a few item that stood out. Actually more than I expected. πŸ˜‰πŸ€˜πŸΌ

TV shows

I’ve watched this show almost in one sitting. “Friends from College” is about a group of 40-year-old who have been friends since they were at Harvard together. The only problem is that there is a huge secret between them. Their relationships with each other are broken, weird, contorted and at times absurd.

The cast is really good. Cobie Smulders, Keegan-Michael Key, Annie Parisse, Fred Savage, Jae Suh Park and Nat Faxon.

I adored Key and seeing this, gave me further confirmation that he is an extraordinarily talented comedian.

I really enjoyed it. Nothing out of the ordinary, but if you are in the mood for some light-hearted comedy with serious topics, this is for you.


Pod Save AmericaSomething else I never though I’d enjoy: podcasts. But I got so much into american politics that I HAD to start following “Pod Save America”.

Former speech writers from the Obama Administration Jon Favreau and Jon Lovett and former National Security Council spokesperson Tommy Vietor teamed up and created this wonderful podcast. They post bi-weekly on Monday and Thursday and they tackle political news, clearly explaining everything so that even someone who doesn’t live in America (like me) can understand what the hell is going on.

They also bring specialists, former government officials and activists that are trying to improve their country and are advocating in favor of important causes.

Risultati immagini per jon favreau jon lovett and tommy vietor

Their company, “Crooked Media” also produces podcasts like “Pod Save the World”, “Lovett or leave it”, “Pod Save the People” and “With Friends like these”.

Every single episode is informative, educational and the promotional commercials are hilarious. Jon Lovett makes me double up with laughter every time they talk about their “Game Of Thrones” watch parties!!! I’ll definitely keep on listening.

Here you can find the podcast on iTunes and here are 3 interviews on Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah,Β Chelsea Handler‘s talk shows.


August 22nd 2017

My parent went away for three days with all our extended family. 9 of them on a three-day trip to Florence.

I didn’t go because of my stupid exams, but I had the best days. I did whatever I wanted. Literally. Sure, I studied for 2 out of 3 of the days, but let’s not talk about that. I slept so little! I wanted to make the most out of the freedom I had. I ate what I wanted, danced around in my underwear at midnight and felt so happy and free.

I have previously talked about this but having such a hands-on extended family with completely different interests than me is not easy. Soul crushing, to be exact.

Anyway, I spent an entire day with my closest friend, we mocked crappy TV serie, watched “Game of Thrones”, predicted who would win at the Emmys and laughed so much. I truly had the BEST DAY EVER with her. Total freedom of being who I am with no oppression and containment. I hadn’t felt that content and happy in a long time.


Darvey

I’ve talked about “Suits” in my July favourites and in the Suits 7 Mid season review and I LOVE IT. I am so obsessed with it! I’ve started following some people just as obsessed with it as I am and it’s been amazing. Every time I scroll throw my timeline, there are so many pictures of Donna and Harvey.

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Basically heaven.

I absolutely adore the show! It’s full with empowering and badass women (like Jessica) and cool and witty dialogue. At times cheesy, I can’t deny it. But my favourite thing is Harvey and Donna’s relationship. They are so close and have a fantastic friendship but on top of that: an amazing sexual chemistry.

THEY ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. OK? THEY ARE. PERIOD. Please Aaron Korsch, let them get together. I really want them to. Every time they are on screen together, I get goosebumps.

Gabriel Macht and Sarah Rafferty are unbelievably good. I love them. And they’ve been friends for 20 years.



I have just realized there are no beauty items in this post… apparently I haven’t loved any particular product this month.

Let me know what you’ve been loving this months and if you are feeling down and want to rant, something you have hated!

hugs,

Georgia  ❀

Judgy people, shopping and rare positivity – Going Shopping part 2

Attention! This post contains swearing and an awful amount of sarcasm!

I haven’t had the best weekend. I know it’s not even over and it’s already shit.

In Friday I went shopping at our usual retail shopping centre and… boy, it was delightful. πŸ™„

I already talked about going shopping with my family and you are probably wondering? Is she a masochist? Does she want to hurt herself?

No. I am simply a cheap person that wants to buy a lot of makeup for the least possible amount of money.

(Mini-haul coming as soon as I can take the pictures!)

Before 3 PM, I had already received 3 comments of my makeup and one about my weight. And this time I didn’t even try anything on!

So yes, I was in an excellent mood. πŸ™„

I’m really sarcastic this evening.

And I don’t care that my makeup was grungy. And it wasn’t that grungy!

Some orang-y and brown eyeshadow and mascara! A bit smudged in the lower lash line and that’s it!

But I was supercool! Just smiled and said: “I like it, so…”. The complete sentence would have been “I like it, so… fuck off πŸ–•”.

I totally kept my cool, even about the weight thing.

Uh! I’ve just remembered! They also said I should renew my wardrobe and dress differently! Silly me! How could I forget this gem!?

Fast-forward to today. Or actually yesterday since it’s already past midnight.

I studied almost all day and I was in a terrible mood. I didn’t have energies, I was sleepy, I didn’t care about anything but most of all… I was angry. Really really pissed.

And I was looking forward to 7 PM, when I get to say a big “fuck you, University, I hate you.”.

I just wanted to catch up on the shows nominated for the Emmys that I haven’t seen. (Post about them coming soon).

But no! I had to write this post of Facebook for the association my family is working with. I hate it so much. I was forced into managing the Facebook page and I truly hate it. Have I said “hate” enough in this post? Yes? Well I hate it.

I don’t get how they managed to reel me into it. And since they are interested in it, they are under the impression that I have to care about it. And I truly don’t. Maybe 5%. Nah. Too much. 3%. 2,5%.

Since I was in a foul mood, my mom said: “come on, cheer up! Why are you pulling that face”

And like every single time she asks I respond: “it’s my face”

But today she went on and said: “you should smile more”

So I laughed and pulled my best and most real fake smile. And today every time she looked at me I put on that smile and let her know I was empty and dying inside.

FUN TIMES! πŸ™„

And I told her! She knew I was faking it and kept laughing, thinking it was a funny joke. Sorry. It wasn’t.

I have all of this repressed anger and a lot of my personality hidden and it is slowly driving me insane. Why can’t I be free, do whatever the fuck I want and not be judged? I know I’m not the most positive person ever, but when you see something you don’t have to immediately point out their vices and voice your judgy opinion. There are people who are different than you, enjoy doing different things than you. Stop criticising them! If you see only the negative aspects of a persone, you don’t have to underline it and point it about. Especially if they are about people! Shut up! It’s not their vices that define them!

I can’t believe how positive I am tonight. I’m probably having a stroke and not realising it.

So to sum up, I got criticised for my makeup, the way I dress; I got body shamed, got asked to smile more and waisted an entire Saturday evening doing shit I don’t care about and absolutely hate.

So yay! Great weekend! I also found out one of my middle school classmate got married today. Surreal! πŸ‘°πŸ»

Tomorrow (well it’s not 00:20 here so technically today) I’ll be studying again. Let’s just hope they will for a hike and leave me here with my pizza and my solitude. πŸ™