Missing two trains, Univeristy stuff and headaches

On Wednesday, I had the worst day.

It was really bad.

Weirdly enough, mentally, I was almost ok. But let’s start from the beginning: I emailed a few of my university professor in order to get the materials to study for my exams and so I had to go to Uni and actually talk to them. I need to do at least 2 exams this year or my mom will have a heart attack and I will have to explain to people why I didn’t, so in order to avoid all of this lying and unnecessary stress, I’m doing this. Even if it devastates me.

IMG_6628Anyway, I knew that if I didn’t have anyone pushing me to go talks to the professors, I wouldn’t have gone. But I did.

To summon everything up, my friend arrived late to pick me up and we missed out train. So we arrived in Venice late and therefore I got to the building where the professor was holding meetings late and I spent an hour waiting. Then we went back to the station and guess what? We missed the train AGAIN because my friend was again LATE.

But I held it. I didn’t say anything, I stayed calm. Even though this caused me to be late again, I ate in a haste and then I went to tutor some kids. For almost four hours. With an excruciatingly painful headache.

I’ve been suffering from terrible headaches recently. Like this one, they start at midday, I can’t concentrate and even moving ONE muscle feels like nails drilling into my brain.

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I really kept my cool, not a scrap of makeup on my face and kept on smiling. But the real question is: how can you miss two trains in the span of 5 hours. Please tell me. I repeatedly told her I had a full day and no time to waste.  I had to go back the next day and I sooooooo didn’t tell her that I was. I was truly upset.

I hadn’t slept very well the night before. I was so scared about going to Venice and dealing with all of that university stuff. I’ve been doing a little bit better, studying for my driving license exam and opening the uni website without having a panic attack. So, of course, I took this opportunity for actually getting things done.

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Franky, I don’t know what’s been going on with me. Some days are awful. Some are better. This week it’s been good. The last one wasn’t. I sat on my bed crying for a while, feeling too frightened to even get out of the house.

Tomorrow is Easter. The family will gather both on Sunday and on Monday. This means questions, scrutiny and a lot of judgy looks. Let’s hope next week is going to be just as good at this one. Without the missed trains.

Have a nice weekend!

Georgia

Letting It All Out

Today I sat in mt bathroom floor and cried for 20 minutes.

It hadn’t happened in a couple of months and in the last couple of days. I was truly feeling better. I wanted to study, to do things and get my driving licence.

But apparently something inside of me said “No!” and I found myself sobbing next to the washing machine.

Maybe I just needed to let my feelings go. I’ve been meaning to talk about the stupid thing I’m doing, but I knew that if I did, I’d start crying. But I already did cry, so this is the perfect opportunity. What are a couple more tears!

If you look around my blog, it’s easy to see what my passions are: tv series and makeup. And so what am I doing? I’m keeping my brain stimulated all day.

I don’t let myself think. EVER. Not even for a second.

I always have headphones on. I’m listening to the soundtrack of Hamilton, watching Stephen Colbert and John Oliver and of course watching TV series.

And when I’m not listening or watching things, I’m reading Fanfictions or books.

I’m keeping my brain constantly busy, not letting it rest for even a second. I know it’s wrong. I know. I shouldn’t run away from things, but for now, this is it..

Going back to the crying, I don’t really know what happened. I had words with my dad, but that’s just normal. There was nothing to trigger such an extreme reaction.  Maybe I’m tired, I’ve had a busy week.

My mom said that, in order to get better, I need to get out of the house every day. And I did. I got out and I was wearing clothes and no half-clothes/half-pyjamas, I put on make up, I talked to people, I went to see my grandparents, I’ve been working and tutoring a LOT this week and I also did a dozen of mock tests for the driving license.

Frankly, I don’t know what went wrong.

Just today, I went to the market with my friend, took blog photos, made lunch, helped my aunt, worked all afternoon…  I really don’t understand. Maybe I just overdid it.

I already feel a headache coming on: whenever this (the crying) happens, I always feel like I’m numb and my head is exploding.

By the way, I’m writing this for me. I don’t care about sympathy and shit. I just wanted to feel better.

Georgia