Judgy people, shopping and rare positivity – Going Shopping part 2

Attention! This post contains swearing and an awful amount of sarcasm!

I haven’t had the best weekend. I know it’s not even over and it’s already shit.

In Friday I went shopping at our usual retail shopping centre and… boy, it was delightful. 🙄

I already talked about going shopping with my family and you are probably wondering? Is she a masochist? Does she want to hurt herself?

No. I am simply a cheap person that wants to buy a lot of makeup for the least possible amount of money.

(Mini-haul coming as soon as I can take the pictures!)

Before 3 PM, I had already received 3 comments of my makeup and one about my weight. And this time I didn’t even try anything on!

So yes, I was in an excellent mood. 🙄

I’m really sarcastic this evening.

And I don’t care that my makeup was grungy. And it wasn’t that grungy!

Some orang-y and brown eyeshadow and mascara! A bit smudged in the lower lash line and that’s it!

But I was supercool! Just smiled and said: “I like it, so…”. The complete sentence would have been “I like it, so… fuck off 🖕”.

I totally kept my cool, even about the weight thing.

Uh! I’ve just remembered! They also said I should renew my wardrobe and dress differently! Silly me! How could I forget this gem!?

Fast-forward to today. Or actually yesterday since it’s already past midnight.

I studied almost all day and I was in a terrible mood. I didn’t have energies, I was sleepy, I didn’t care about anything but most of all… I was angry. Really really pissed.

And I was looking forward to 7 PM, when I get to say a big “fuck you, University, I hate you.”.

I just wanted to catch up on the shows nominated for the Emmys that I haven’t seen. (Post about them coming soon).

But no! I had to write this post of Facebook for the association my family is working with. I hate it so much. I was forced into managing the Facebook page and I truly hate it. Have I said “hate” enough in this post? Yes? Well I hate it.

I don’t get how they managed to reel me into it. And since they are interested in it, they are under the impression that I have to care about it. And I truly don’t. Maybe 5%. Nah. Too much. 3%. 2,5%.

Since I was in a foul mood, my mom said: “come on, cheer up! Why are you pulling that face”

And like every single time she asks I respond: “it’s my face”

But today she went on and said: “you should smile more”

So I laughed and pulled my best and most real fake smile. And today every time she looked at me I put on that smile and let her know I was empty and dying inside.

FUN TIMES! 🙄

And I told her! She knew I was faking it and kept laughing, thinking it was a funny joke. Sorry. It wasn’t.

I have all of this repressed anger and a lot of my personality hidden and it is slowly driving me insane. Why can’t I be free, do whatever the fuck I want and not be judged? I know I’m not the most positive person ever, but when you see something you don’t have to immediately point out their vices and voice your judgy opinion. There are people who are different than you, enjoy doing different things than you. Stop criticising them! If you see only the negative aspects of a persone, you don’t have to underline it and point it about. Especially if they are about people! Shut up! It’s not their vices that define them!

I can’t believe how positive I am tonight. I’m probably having a stroke and not realising it.

So to sum up, I got criticised for my makeup, the way I dress; I got body shamed, got asked to smile more and waisted an entire Saturday evening doing shit I don’t care about and absolutely hate.

So yay! Great weekend! I also found out one of my middle school classmate got married today. Surreal! 👰🏻

Tomorrow (well it’s not 00:20 here so technically today) I’ll be studying again. Let’s just hope they will for a hike and leave me here with my pizza and my solitude. 🙏

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Failure

I was hoping to pass at least one exam but I didn’t.

I did two and I didn’t pass either of them. Frankly I don’t know what to do. I thought I was strong enough but apparently this has set me back. I don’t deal well with failure. It is something that detroys me from the inside.

And now I have to tell my family. Great. I can already see their faces. I am sure they are not going to make a big deal out of it, especially my mom, since she is the only one who know what I’ve been going through this past year.

Should I lie? Should I just tell people I passed them?

The world I live in is very judgy. And pityful.

I HATE seeing that expression on people’s faces but even more than that, the judgy look that they give you when they take pity on you.

In a couple of days it’s my birthday, but the last thing I want to do is celebrate. I’d rather dig a hole and hide in it until august. (That’s when I will take the exams again.)

I just want this university part of my life to go away. I hate it. I can’t help myself but I really really hate it with all my heart.

I can’t drop out. I just really can’t. But it is destroying me.

I really want to be a teacher and talk in and about English all day. But the journey getting there is ripping me apart piece by piece.

I know that they are just two exams but I really wanted to pass them so I could get them over with and begin the next year with a fresh start.

Now I’m not so sure I will.

Georgia