I jinxed it.

This has been a difficult month. Truly difficult.

In my last life update, I was positive. Optimistic. Well, it all went down the toilette on November 1st.

The irony.

A little bit of background story…. In Italy, November 1st is a national holiday. It’s the day when, if you’re christian, you celebrate the gestures and sacrifices Saints made throughout the history of Christianity. (Which is sort of funny because November 2nd is the day in which we remember the people who died, we go to the cemetery to visit them and we pay our respects).

Aside from this lesson in Christian culture (that I’m not really a fan of), I was supposed to take my granddad to the city centre. He is 87 and they revoked his driving license. I got mine so I could help out and so at 9.45AM I was ready to pick him up.

Long story short, a lady hit me with her car 50 meters after I dropped him off. She didn’t stop at the STOP sign and hit me on my left side.

MY WORST NIGHTMARE.

I’ve talked about my fear of driving extensively on this blog. A car accident was the main thing I was terrified about. The worst possible scenario that could have happened did. We weren’t hurt. Not even a little bit. We were both going so slow. I was at 25 km/h, she was even slower. But it did happen. And this completely threw me off.

I had started going to Uni and for two weeks, I was paralyzed at home, scared of my own shadow. I cried for 3 days straight. Every time someone brought up the word “car”, I would just freeze and my eyes would water.

So, yeah. My positive blog entry jinxed me.

Three days ago, we brought the car back home. It was in the shop for a month and the insurance company took care of everything. And yet, I’m still terrified. I hate it so much. I’m a responsible driver. I go slow, I stop at every sign, I don’t go over the limit. NEVER. But every time I see a car coming from my left or right side, I flinch.

My mom has been incredibly supportive. When I broke down sobbing after we did the accident report with the lady, she said she was so sorry and she was hurting for me because she knew how scared I was of driving. She says that now I’ve been “baptized” and that everything from now on, it’s going to go smoothly. Ever the pessimist that I am, I don’t really believe her.

It was just back luck. In italy, we call it “sfiga”.

Our family friend had the best response. His wife bumped the car against a lamp pole a couple of months before and he said: “I wish it would have happened to me, so the insurance would fix it and I wouldn’t have to pay it myself.”

It was a dumb joke that I desperately needed. So thanks, V.

It took me a month to be semi-okay with this. But since today, I went and took my granddad to the city centre for his bar chats with his friends (and nothing happened), I wanted to get it out of my chest.

I’m off now. I have to go and bring him back home.

(as I was writing this, my mom said my uncle is going to take him home. I so relieved you can’t even imagine it.)

xxx

 

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This Is Us – Season 2 Premiere Review

“This Is Us” is one of the most popular shows on US cable and the season 2 premiere didn’t disappoint.

Although I fell immediately in love with the show when it started in September 2016, there are elements of it that I didn’t particularly like: I thought the moment Jack and Rebecca met each other was a little bit ridiculous, too much “insta-love” for me.

This Is Us - Season 1 - poster

But aside from a few elements, it’s a solid show. The stories are absolutely brilliant and moving.

I have cried for all 18 episodes in season 1 and of course, season 2 didn’t leave my tear ducts dry.

It was hard to watch: from Kate’s struggles with her career, to Randall’ and Beth’s adoption problems and Jack’s not-so-shocking revelation.

The show hits you where you are most vulnerable, your insecurities and your issues. You identify with the characters on an extremely deep level.



Before starting the season 2 premiere, I was almost sure I wasn’t going to cry. I was not in the mood to cry I didn’t feel like it was going to happen, but of course I bawled like there was no tomorrow.

I absolutely adore all of the performances, the only one that didn’t make the same impact on me as the others was Justin Hartley’s. It’s probably just because of Kevin. I’m not a huge fan of the character, I don’t really like that cocky, arrogant and selfish personality. Nonetheless, I absolutely liked the episode. I was a little bit disappointed in Jack, even if I shouldn’t be. We see him struggling with his issues, and problems like alcoholism. But he’s a nice man, he gave up his dreams, just like Rebecca did, and he tried to have overcome is addiction.

This Is Us - Season 2

In the episode we also get to know a little bit more about what happened to Jack, how he died. There isn’t much, but I think one of the reasons is his alcoholism. There are clues like Kate with a dog and Randall talking to a redheaded girl, but the most revealing one, is the last scene.  There is house, burnt to the ground. And if I’m not mistaken, it belonged to the Pearsons.

I don’t really get why people are so obsessed with finding out how Jack dies. DO YOU WANT TO SEE HIM DIE? DO YOU WANT THE PAIN!? ARE YOU MENTAL?

Rebecca’s pain at the end destroyed me. It broke my heart. In a million pieces.

This is us season 2 ep 1 - 2.png

The “get in the car” scene was also amazingly written and acted. She put aside her anger and disappointment towards him and focused on helping him and keeping their family together.

Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia have a terrific chemistry together, especially in the dramatic scenes.

 

One of the most amazing scenes was Beth asking Randall to adopt a grown-up kid to help him get off the streets. I thought her gesture was INCREDIBLE. So selfless. I’m in love with Beth and Randall.

And can we talk about Randall’s “Women can do anything” speech? LOVE IT.



To sum up, great start for a second season. Let me know what you think about the episode, I’d love to chat about the show!

xxx

Georgia

Tears Streaming Down Your Face

It’s definitely back.

My issues are back in full swing. I haven’t had such bad days in a long time. And the rage. I am angry. All the time.

The following may or may not be a few of the reasons.

Uni has started and I haven’t had the courage to attend any class. Next week I’ll be forced to, so expect another meltdown.


My mom, sister, aunt and cousin are going to Rome in October. Just a mothers-daughters trip. So……… yeah.

They asked me to go a couple of days later and I told them half-joking “Do you think I’m made of money?” Two days later, they came home for 4 tickets. Four.

 

sistinechapel-57ffd66e5f9b5805c2ac4916

They are already planning their trip, booking the visit to the Sistine Chapel and other museums. Great, right? I am happy for them, but I feel a bit left out. Well, a lot left out. I interpreted it like they didn’t care. If they wanted me to go, I could have got the money, I could have put off some expendable expenses (pardon the pun).

So I’ll be home the 28-29-30th of October. Next time I’ll go alone. I don’t know why I feel so upset. I don’t need them.


On top of that, they have commented on my physique (the last time just a couple of minutes ago) like it’s the only thing keeping them alive.

They have regarded my interests as useless, complained I talked about them too much. How is that even possible since I haven’t been speaking much when I’m with them? I don’t even know what to say.

I told them I was a bit tired of hearing about it and they bitterly said: “What? You want to talk about makeup and tv all day?”.

But if I don’t care about the same things as them, I’m the heartless one, the one who doesn’t care. And I don’t.

At the beginning, I was keen on helping them, managing the association’s Facebook page, but now, it’s too much. It’s the only topic they talk about. 24 fucking 7. I can’t stand it anymore. It’s the only topic. I am not exaggerating. They are currently (and have been for at least 2 hours) talking about it and yelling into a phone. I’ve threatened them to burn to whole thing down. As a joke of course. And if it weren’t bad for the environment and a felony, I would have done it a long long time ago.

(update: now my dad has picked up the phone and he is literally screaming to it.)


On top of that, my driving lesson was a disaster. A TOTAL FUCKING DISASTER.

Getting out of the house and interacting with people has been incredibly difficult this week. I received a few calls about my tutoring job and I am terrified. I don’t know why but I am scared. Really scared.

I got invited by a friend to a conference tomorrow and I’m afraid I won’t be able to cover up my inner sadness. And my judg-y friend texted me to go out. I’m not ready to face her. With the rage I am feeling, I will storm out and punch her in the face.


So yeah… Shitty week. And it looks like it won’t get better. Moreover, the official Suits account got in touch with me to send me a prize for being a long time fan, but it’s US shipping only. GREAT. I’m not angry, you are.

The title of this post is, of course, inspired by “Fix You” by Coldplay and with Tom Rosenthal’s “Soon goodbye, now love”, it has been the soundtrack of my sad 4 days.

The only joy has been TV. Like always. At least I have my shows.

xxx

Georgia

p.s. the photo of the sky was taken from the NASA website. Absolutely wonderful.

We’re done

Attention!!! This post contains some strong language and swear words!

I hadn’t cried in quite a long time. At least for my standards.
But I’ve never cried out of anger. Repressed anger.
And possibly something help. I’ve been feeling terrible these couple of days, really really down. And it hasn’t happened in at less a couple of months. I had managed to get out of it. I even did two fucking exams. Just 6 months ago I cried just by thinking of university. I was getting better for fuck’s sake.

I don’t want to sound obnoxious but in the family life, I am pretty much invisible and soooooo low key. I’m not expensive, I don’t ask for money, I don’t go to parties, my parent don’t have to drive me around, I keep quiet, I do what they ask me to. I basically have no life. But I’m sure you already knew that.

But for the first time in ages I was really really interested in something: I wanted to see my favourite mystery novel author at a bookstore where he is presenting his lastest masterpiece. (Which is set in Italy BTW).

Sadly taking the train isn’t an option. The city is an hour away from where I live and hte bookstore is at a 25 minutes distance from the station. The city is said to be VERY dangerous at night. Especially for a women. (Fuck those creeps that prevent us from ever enjoying ourselves without the fear of been attacked).

So I asked my mom for help and she said she wasn’t comfortable driving me to this city at night (the event starts at 9PM) and that I should ask my father.

So I did! And he checked his calendar and said yes! I seriously thought it was a miracle. He is NEVER free. Let me say this: we don’t have a great relationship. We don’t usually talk to each other, aside from “are you coming home to lunch?” from me and “tell mom I’ll be late” from him.

For a day and a half, I was over the moon. This was my THIRD try to see the author. THIRD. And both times I was not allowed to go. (I still throw it in my mother’s face every chance I get)

Then when we were at dinner Saturday, I found out that he actually wasn’t free. That he had a gig he didn’t remember of.
So I looked at him with a glare that would have incenerated him and said: “I’ll fucking kill you”. It got resolved fairly quickly as they moved the date!

I was so fucking naive to even click the “I will attend” button on the event of Facebook and I was literally jumping up and down.
Until Sunday afternoon. I am not kidding. This is what actually happened.
I might sound like a spoiled child and I don’t fucking care. I’ve wanted to meet the author and get his autograph since I was 15. That’s it. I literally haven’t asked anything else.

Back to the story, my father came in and told me he has orchestra rehearsals that day and that he couldn’t take me.

I had tears in my eyes but frankly, I didn’t want him to see me cry. He knows nothing about what I have been going through this past year and I sincerely hope my mother has not spilled the beans or I’ll fucking lose it.
Anyway. I just looked at him and said: “do not ever talk to me again”.
And then I just yelled at him in front of my grandparent. Great! 😒🙄

What really hurt me wasn’t that he can’t take him. Otherwise I would have got angry with my mother as well. It’s the illusion he let me have for that glorious day and 1/2. I fooled him into taking him, making him feel like the “cool” parent who wants to right a wrong made by his wife 5 years ago. I played him like a fucking idiot. But apparently I got played back.
What really angered me is that his things and interests always come first. He does whatever the fuck he wants. I make lunch, he says he’s not hungry. He heats up dinner once and then shouts that nobody is helping him clean out. And who the fuck helped me?
Also, how come he didn’t say: “I have to take my daughter to see her favourite author.” Or “can we do it earlier? I have plans with my daughter”.
I’m not asking him to talk to me everyday or know what exams I have or what I am doing with my life. For once, I asked for something. 4 hours of his life.

But apparently, I’m not important enough.