One Of The Worst Parties I’ve Ever Been To

So… A couple of weeks ago I talked about this party that I was supposed to go to in my “What’s Been Going on” post and it happened two Saturdays ago.

I was not happy.

Not at all.

I didn’t have a totally terrible time but I had to restrain myself from standing up and starting yelling at them.

It was my high school friend’s birthday party and she invited a group of people who is wildly different from me. They like to drink, get wasted and party.

In the last post, I talked about how I would storm out and throw a fit whenever I heard ugly comments.

They swore like sailors. And by swearing I don’t mean the odd f-word or something like that. In Italy, we call it “bestemmiare”, I’d say the closest translation might be “to blaspheme”.

But they didn’t it all the time. Two or three in every single sentence. It was disgusting.

And not because I’m a particularly religious person, it’s just common decency. It’s ugly and disrespectful. They must have said at least 300 of them. I’m not joking.

And you would not believe the racist stuff they said. Not to mention the homophobic slurs.

I was fucking disgusted. It made me sick to my stomach.

Oh, and I also got a gin and tonic spilled on my dress.


You can hear the sarcasm from across the globe.

And I was mostly disappointed in myself. Because I didn’t say anything. But what can you say? What can you do without causing a scene and ruining your friend’s party? They notice I didn’t laugh with them and that I wasn’t even smiling. At all.

But I still feel guilty. Now, I wish I had done something. Because if you see something wrong and you don’t say anything, aren’t you a part of the problem as well?

I’ve been wrecking my brain trying to think of what I could or should have done. I rewatched a season 1 episode of Brooklyn99, in which Jake punches a homophobic journalist in the face because he insulted Captain Holt.

Maybe I should have done the same. Now the punching part, obviously. But I should not have stood by and done nothing.

The only thing that is keeping me from tearing my hair from my skull is knowing that I’ll be able to say something the next time. My friend, the only one who did not participate, invited me to a party he is throwing at the end of July and I’ll probably go just because he is the one who invited me.

But I’ll have a chance of a do-over. And I promise to get it right.

Still, I need advice. How do I make my point come across without punching him in the face or insulting him like there is not tomorrow?

Can you help me? What should I have done and what do you recommend I should do next time?




Reading Wrap-up – March 2018

March has come and gone! I can’t believe tomorrow is already April.

I haven’t read that much this month. My Goodreads reading challenge is telling me I’m two books behind schedule…

Apparently, I’ve only read two books in March and to be fair… I’m quite disappointed with myself.

  • Conversations With Friends: A Novel by Sally Rooney

32187419I was excited to read this book but I had other expectations going into it and I was disappointed.
I wanted it to be so much more and I was let down.
It’s not a bad book.
It’s about these two college girls who become friends with an older married couple.
It’s a classic book about not very nice people doing not very nice things, but I wasn’t intrigued by the characters.
Rather than understanding their flaws, I only got annoyed by their actions and their personalities. I was exasperated by them.
Nick drove me up the wall. He had no spine, no personality. He was so empty and annoying. He was the worst one.
Overall a 3 stars book. It was ok. kind of.


The other book I’ve read was…

  • Simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda by Becky Albertalli

19547856I was planning on reading this book but as soon as I saw that the movie had come out and how much everybody was loving it, I HAD to get my hands on it.

And I’m so incredibly glad I did.

It’s about Simon, a high schooler who has been trying to deal with the difficulties of coming out as gay to his parents and his friends. He is then blackmailed by a classmate who finds one of his email to another anonymous closeted boy at his school.

It’s a great story about coming out, being accepted for who you are and actually being your true self.

I really loved it. It was amazing. It touched to many important topics and issues and it made me feel stuff.
The characters felt incredibly realistic and they represented what being a teenager is like.
And the protagonist, Simon, is adorable!
Beautiful book.
I am in awe.

I highly recommend it to ANYONE. Please read it.


Let me know if you’ve read the books or if you have any recommendation for me! I’d love to know a recent book you’ve read that made an impact on you!




Today my mom hugged me. And not in a congratulatory “Happy Birthday” or “Happy New Year” way. We hadn’t hugged like that since that morning in high school, when I basically had a breakdown in the bathroom.

This time, we stumbled upon each other in the kitchen and she hugged me.

So of course, I’ve been crying for 20 minutes. I don’t know what happened, she put her arms around me and tear came out of my eyes.

I haven’t had the best weekend, counting the days until I HAVE to go back to Uni. I was supposed to go today. But last night while I was watching the Emmys I couldn’t keep my heart beat down. I felt something on my chest, something that suffocated me and my heart kept pounding. It took me quite a long time to make it stop.

At 4.30AM I wrote to the friend I was supposed to meet at the train station that I got a bug my little cousin had yesterday at lunch. She was sick. I am not. I couldn’t help by lie. I know that it’s horrible, but I can’t talk to people. I can’t tell them what I truly feel.

Anyway, I didn’t go and I’ve been feeling like shit all day. Extremely happy about the Emmys, but basically dead inside. It’s all a “guilt” problem. That I already knew.

But getting hugged by my mom was what sent me over the edge. She is not a very physical person. Aside from a pat (it’s more like an affectionate slap, actually on the leg, we don’t really touch.

I don’t know what’s happening to me.

While we were hugging in the middle of the kitchen, my sister came in. I couldn’t let her see me cry. I think she knows that something isn’t right. I think she might have seen me cry a couple of times. When I couldn’t hide it. She hasn’t said anything, thought. What could she say?

I’ll be trying to go to Uni on Wednesday, since there is English 3. And that shouldn’t cause me any stress. As if.

I’m going to lay down now. I already feel the post-crying-headache coming on.

Thirteen Reasons Why – REVIEW

Attention! The following post contains spoilers on ALL the episodes of “Thirteen Reasons Why” and sensitive topics such as sexual assault and suicide. You’ve been warned!

I’ve heart so much about this show. Both positive and negative. I haven’t read the book yet. I promised myself I would have read the book before starting the tv series, but curiosity got in the way.

If, somehow, you are not familiar with “Thirteen Reasons Why”, it talks about a girl who commits suicide and leaves behind 13 tapes depicting the reasons she did it. She leaves them to Clay (which apparently is a name) and he starts listening to them in order to discover the truth.
I haven’t really been into the whole debate “does it or does it not promote suicide?”. I did not want any spoiler and I was sure reading about the show and its flaws would have definitely ruined it for me.
To summarize, everybody who has watched the show got divided into two categories: those who felt like the show gave a glamour and over-romaticized vision of suicide and those who felt like it gave the topic room for discussion.
I have two friends who have seen the show and regard it in completely different ways.

I have watched it all and I don’t really agree with those who say that it shows a glamed-up version of depression and suicide.
Let me just start by saying that I had huge prejudices against the show. To me, it was over hyped and therefore I went in thinking it wasn’t any good. I have had people describing it as “the best show on television” and just from episode 1, I KNOW it’s a lie.
Right from the pilot, it was pretty clear to me that it was going to be full of stereotypes.

Technically speaking, I loved the decision of choosing blue and gray colours in the present AND the vibrant and bright in the past.
But on the other hand, I totally hated the obvious product placement, like the Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. *eye roll*.


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What truly surprised me was the fact than Clay wasn’t the only one who had the tapes. I expected it to be an intimate and introspective confession about a girl who decided to end her life. I was confused by the almost “murder mystery” vibe of the show. It is compelling and engaging, I have to admit it.

One of the thing that was interesting to me, was Olivia Baker’s search of the real reason her daughter’s actions. Her realisation about the fact that bullying exists and it has an impact on young adults and students. By now, sadly, it should not be such a surprise. Especially nowadays, bullying is mostly done online and in total and complete anonymity.
In regards of the characters, Clay is the typical loner and tortured nerd, who has no friends and was (probably) infatuated with Hannah.
Then there is the guy with the leather jacket and the old cool car. Maybe this is utterly normal and I just don’t understand it because I haven’t attended an American high school.

I’d definitely fancy Justin if he weren’t such a jerk. He is the classic and popular bad-boy, who acts like a huge dickhead. He doesn’t realise how much his actions impacted Hannah’s and Jessica’s life. He literally stood by and did absolutely nothing.
Speaking of characters on the show, Clay is unbearable. And seeing him ride his bike around time reminded me of the kids from Stranger Things. And on top of that, I just don’t like him.
Something else I don’t understand about the show is people’s obsession with Hannah. How come half of the characters were in love with her? I found that a bit forced.

Apart from that, it felt real. Hannah apparent cheerfulness and happiness even the day before she committed suicide represented very clearly how easy it is to mask your emotions and fool even those who are closest to you.

It was a hard show to watch. Especially the last three episode, which were, ironically, the best.

I did not watch the rape scenes. I could not do it. It made me sick. Even thinking about it.

Jessica’s ignorance of what actually happened the night of the party destroyed me. You can see the progression of her realization and it is utterly heartbreaking.


There are so many difficult scenes to watch and this is definitely one of the worst. Of course, the most devastating is Hannah’s suicide. I was told that they were going to show it, but nonetheless I was not prepared. At all.

I never shy away from brutal scenes but this was a lot. The entire last episode was incredibly painful and I am so glad they went in this direction.

Although the show contains a lot of stereotypical and derivative ideas, I feel like a lot of adults SHOULD watch it.

Getting into the minds of teenagers is not easy and when things pile of top of each other, extreme situations like this one might happen. And adults need to take everything into consideration.

Teenagers need to feel heard and understood and maybe this show will help their parents finally get it.


P.S. It took me AGES to write this post. I couldn’t make it right. I’ve been editing for weeks and I’m still not happy. Anyway, I hope you’ll let me know your thoughts on this.