Failure

I was hoping to pass at least one exam but I didn’t.

I did two and I didn’t pass either of them. Frankly I don’t know what to do. I thought I was strong enough but apparently this has set me back. I don’t deal well with failure. It is something that detroys me from the inside.

And now I have to tell my family. Great. I can already see their faces. I am sure they are not going to make a big deal out of it, especially my mom, since she is the only one who know what I’ve been going through this past year.

Should I lie? Should I just tell people I passed them?

The world I live in is very judgy. And pityful.

I HATE seeing that expression on people’s faces but even more than that, the judgy look that they give you when they take pity on you.

In a couple of days it’s my birthday, but the last thing I want to do is celebrate. I’d rather dig a hole and hide in it until august. (That’s when I will take the exams again.)

I just want this university part of my life to go away. I hate it. I can’t help myself but I really really hate it with all my heart.

I can’t drop out. I just really can’t. But it is destroying me.

I really want to be a teacher and talk in and about English all day. But the journey getting there is ripping me apart piece by piece.

I know that they are just two exams but I really wanted to pass them so I could get them over with and begin the next year with a fresh start.

Now I’m not so sure I will.

 

Georgia

May Favourites (and not) 2017

Let’s start on a positive note. This month has been hell. I hated it.

I have basically posted no content here on my blog, I haven’t been reading, I haven’t been putting my makeup on and I haven’t seen that many tv shows… No, ok, that was an alternative fact. I loved A LOT of the things I have watched this month.

But first of all let me say this: everybody always talks about their “favorites” but I am a bit of a negative person and I wanted to include in this post all of the things that have been getting on my nerves recently. Because on the internet I don’t want to pretend that everything is great. I already do that in my real life.

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And what a better way to start this post then talking about the weather.

What is up with these hot temperatures? NO. No. No. Winter come back pls. The weather app on my phone says that this week there’s going to be 31°C (88° F) and I hate it. I’m constantly sweating, I’m always angry… I hate this. I used to love summer when I was little but then I grew up and I came to the realization that bras are uncomfortable, you have to shave and makeup melts on your face.

I can’t put up with this for 4 whole months. And in June/July/August is going to get worst. STUPID HUMIDITY!

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Two other things I’ve hated this month are my exams. I’ve been studying for a while now (hence my absence from the blog) and I can’t handle it anymore. The pressure is driving me crazy.  As of yesterday, hey are finally over. Let’s hope everything goes smoothly.


Completely changing topic, I have been loving quite a few Garnier products related to skin care, which is something that I was never into. I’ve been using this combo everyday and with drinking gallons and gallons of water, they have made my skin look incredibly healthy. Sure, I have to pee every other minute, but let’s not talk about that.

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As I mentioned the rise of he temperature has made it impossible for me to wear eyeshadow without it smugging all over the place. And therefore, I started wearing bold lipsticks.  I had completely forgotten how much I love it. I’ve bought three of the Essence Matt Matt Matt lipsticks and I cannot recommend them enough. They stay on my lips all day and for just 2.89€, it’s the best bargain I’ve even found.

Still from the Essence collection, the “All about Matt! fixing compact powder”. And recently I’ve hit pan. That has never happened to me and to tell the truth, I’m quite sad! Nevertheless, this powder is amazing. It helps my foundation stay in place, despite my oily skin. I absolutely adore it and it’s about 4€, so another great affordable product by Essence.

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This next brand is (I believe) italian, so I think you can only purchase it here or on their website but Deborah‘s lipsticks are great. They are very drying, but they stay in place for a long time and these two colours are spectacular. They are part of a range that include 8 shades in total and if I find it only sales, I’ll definitely buy another one.

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In regards of TV, this month has been AMAZING. There was the Eurovision Song Contest which was spectacular. We, Italy, had the best chances of winnin but Europe was a bitch and turned on us and we lost. Damn you Portugal! YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF THE CONTEST, YOU MORON!

Sorry. I get frustrated. Yes, our song was objectively the best and we should have won. RIGGED! Aside from the ESC, the second season of “Master of None” was PERFECTION. I absolutely WANT (yes, want) you to watch it. It’s probably the best show I have seen this year.

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But let’s not forget that the 3° seasons of “12 Monkeys” came out and I binged-watched it in two days. I’ll be writing a review because I obviously have many thoughts about it.

And last but definitely not least, is Hasan Minhaj’s Netflix stand up special: “Homecoming King”. Along with Trevor Noah’s “Afraid of the Dark” and Aziz Ansari’s “Live at MSG”, this is the best stand up special I have ever seen. It’s not just about making stupid jokes and make fun of people: it makes you think and open your mind. He is an intelligent, smart and nice guy. I am profoundly in love with him. Please check him out.


On a personal level, there is a silver lightning: I passed the theory part of my driving exam!!! I did it! After two years begin deadly afraid of taking it, I managed to pass it. I haven’t started driving yet, I still need to go to the driving school and book my first lesson. I have been so busy with my exams, I haven’t even been out of the house.

I really cannot express how relieved I am about passing the test. I am a step closer to a little bit of independence. YAY!


I hope you enjoyed this favourites/non-favourites/life update blog post, even if it is quite a bit late.

BYE!!!

Georgia 🙂 ❤

P.S. this is one of my favourite post EVER, so I’d appreciated you letting me know your thoughts and impressions! Thanks!

Missing two trains, Univeristy stuff and headaches

On Wednesday, I had the worst day.

It was really bad.

Weirdly enough, mentally, I was almost ok. But let’s start from the beginning: I emailed a few of my university professor in order to get the materials to study for my exams and so I had to go to Uni and actually talk to them. I need to do at least 2 exams this year or my mom will have a heart attack and I will have to explain to people why I didn’t, so in order to avoid all of this lying and unnecessary stress, I’m doing this. Even if it devastates me.

IMG_6628Anyway, I knew that if I didn’t have anyone pushing me to go talks to the professors, I wouldn’t have gone. But I did.

To summon everything up, my friend arrived late to pick me up and we missed out train. So we arrived in Venice late and therefore I got to the building where the professor was holding meetings late and I spent an hour waiting. Then we went back to the station and guess what? We missed the train AGAIN because my friend was again LATE.

But I held it. I didn’t say anything, I stayed calm. Even though this caused me to be late again, I ate in a haste and then I went to tutor some kids. For almost four hours. With an excruciatingly painful headache.

I’ve been suffering from terrible headaches recently. Like this one, they start at midday, I can’t concentrate and even moving ONE muscle feels like nails drilling into my brain.

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I really kept my cool, not a scrap of makeup on my face and kept on smiling. But the real question is: how can you miss two trains in the span of 5 hours. Please tell me. I repeatedly told her I had a full day and no time to waste.  I had to go back the next day and I sooooooo didn’t tell her that I was. I was truly upset.

I hadn’t slept very well the night before. I was so scared about going to Venice and dealing with all of that university stuff. I’ve been doing a little bit better, studying for my driving license exam and opening the uni website without having a panic attack. So, of course, I took this opportunity for actually getting things done.

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Franky, I don’t know what’s been going on with me. Some days are awful. Some are better. This week it’s been good. The last one wasn’t. I sat on my bed crying for a while, feeling too frightened to even get out of the house.

Tomorrow is Easter. The family will gather both on Sunday and on Monday. This means questions, scrutiny and a lot of judgy looks. Let’s hope next week is going to be just as good at this one. Without the missed trains.

Have a nice weekend!

Georgia

Taking a Break

I briefly mentioned my “feeling down period” in a previous post about Friends, but I never actually explained anything. I don’t feel ready to share everything right now… I kind of think that if I actually talk about it, I would FEEL it and BAM! I’ll be a mess again.

Because for the past month, I have been feeling better. I haven’t been particularly “down” or “depressed” as much as I was before. I reckon telling my mother my problems almost healed me… Or I have just repressed and pushed down everything that I haven’t had a chance to spend more than a few minutes wondering about my “stuff”.

Thinking about it, I have DEFINITELY repressed everything. I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on my problems. I’m trying to occupy every single second of my day with something else, mostly tv series. I am always watching something or reading something. I’m reading FanFictions until I’m half asleep and my phone falls on my face…

A month ago I immersed myself in Friends… I had a break from it for a week and then casually decided to re-watch it again. *insert sarcasm* Yes, I’m so normal.

Then of course I got bored. So I watched “The Crown”, tried to give “Transparent” and “The Mindy Project” a go (didn’t go very well), kept up with my usual weekly schedule of series… I tried to get my brain constantly filled with other stuff, whether it’s music, tv series, movies or the US election post-trauma it didn’t matter.

I am kind of afraid that if I shut all of this down, things will get back to being horrible.

As of now, I’m watching (unbelievably for the first time) Gilmore Girls. And I’m having a huge meltdown… I’ll write a separate post about this… And it’s going to be long and I’m going to frea out.

As for my University, well… I started doing some stuff. When my mom said I could take a break for a semester, I cried out of happiness. BUT OF COURSE, my conscience crept up and made me feel guilty.

I can’t fall behind… I can’t finish my bachelor late. Not even a semester late. I just want to be over with all of this as quickly as I can. Because I want to teach English to students, share my passion for it and not being stuck on a desk learning about how the german language was influenced by anglosaxons in the 2nd century AD.

Let me tell you, I have never read a more boring book in my entire life… And I read one about phonetic!

Anyway, my goal is to at least do 2 exams this January, so that I’m not extremely behind on everything.

Moreover, I’m going out of my house more!! In my pyjamas, but still. I went out every day of the week! Almost entirely voluntarily!

I feel like I am making small progresses, but it may be just my problems, lulling my into a false sense of security before dragging me down to the bottom of the well.

Oh well… Let me get back to Gilmore Girls. See you soon

Georgia