FINALLY!!!

I have written a couple of posts regarding my driver’s license (Getting My Driver’s Licence and May Favourites (and not) 2017) and my frustration with the driving lessons.

On October 12th, I had my exam. The actual practical test in which I had to drive around the city with my instructor and the examiner.

I was told to get there at 2:45 PM and guess what? I got in the car at 5:40. Of course I wasn’t nervous! Waiting 3 hours in a room with 3 other idiots who kept freaking out and telling the world the worst possible (and impossible) situation.

If it weren’t a crime, I would have strangled them. I was scared of taking this. I didn’t want to fail and have to take the exam a months later.

The test itself wasn’t that bad. I agreed with everything the examiner said, tuned her out when she was being insufferable and chatted about villas and houses when we were stuck behind train barriers for 10 minutes.

Due to this inconvenience, we were forced to take another route. A route I have never taken in my entire life. I thought it had no exit. I went through an underground passage! With a steep hill! I was terrified!

BUT I DID PASS!!!

It was all so quick! We got out of the car, she didn’t say a word and then she started writing things on pieces of paper. She made me sign my file and then she gave me my licence! Just like that!

She didn’t say anything, she just handed me my badge and that was it.

Don’t you worry, I am still absolutely terrified of driving. COMPLETELY PARALYZED WITH FEAR. As soon as I get more comfortable with driving on my own (something I’ve never done before), I’ll be unstoppable.

 

 

 

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I did it!

I passed my english exam.

I’ve literally just found out! I ran to my mom sobbing and mumbling: “I passed the exam! I got a 28/30!”

After that, I stood there for 10 minutes sheding litres and litres of tears. My mom and I talked some more, about my uni life and the choices I have to make in the next months.

Aside from that, I texted my friend to meet me saturday for our traditional celebratory smoothie and I am trying to be more positive. Tomorrow I’m supposed to go to a class and it’s killing me. I have to attend this one, because it’s about poetry in the 16th Century. SO BORING. I’m not really interested in that. I was hoping in more victorian books.

Today I’m going to pay my fee and go for a driving lesson. Despite my numbness regarding everything, I am tying to survive.

 

Trouble at Uni, exams and breakdowns

I don’t even know where to start.

Basically I’ve been studying for a months and a half for absolutely NOTHING.

A couple of weeks ago, I logged into my uni account to book my english exam. And I made a surprising discovery.

Back in June I wrote this post about the fact that I didn’t pass BOTH my exams. I was called Failure and I wrote it while sobbing on my keyboard. So, yeah. Fun times. 😅

This almost pulled me back to my dark place. I was so devastated. I had studied for a long time, without attending class and on my own. Anyway, I thought I hadn’t passed my Literature exam. But in reality I did.

This is what happened.

Instead of telling my mother straightaway, I invented a lame excuse about problems with the University server. I saw it said: “Passed: NO” and I never gave it a second look. You don’t want to go back and have your failures mock you in the face.

So when I logged into my account to book my English exam I noticed there wasn’t the box to book the other one, the English Literature one. And of course I freaked out!

So I went to my “libretto”, the page that contains all my marks and it turns out: I did pass it.

Basically, the whole excuse with the university server was true. I had made it up, but apparently there actually WAS a problem and some marks weren’t registed. Mine included. A week after I saw the mark they sent an email saying that there was a mix up but I didn’t see it.

Of course.

I was so relieved but so unbelievably pissed. I WASTED SO MUCH TIME THAT I COULD HAVE SPENT STUDYING FOR A DIFFERENT EXAM.

Anyway, I got a 22 out of 30. Not particularly well but I thought I hadn’t passed it so it’s definitely an improvement.

I am exhausted by all of this and aside from my imediate family and my best friend, I haven’t told anyone else. And my dad made fun of me for the entire day. My mom started laughing every time our eyes met but now the drama is over.



So yeah. This happened. I know I was stupid: I should have check it my uni emails, but I just didn’t want to see the “no” again.

Next time I’ll be checking my emails every single day. Let me know your crazy university stories! The Uni world is a crazy one!

xxx

Georgia

It’s back

I am terrified that my "dark times" are coming back. I've been studying to take my exams again and although it is going okay, I have this horrible feeling that what happened last year is going to represent itself on September.
I was weak, I cried for everything and going out felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest.
But I've made so many progress! I go out pretty easily, I want to be around (some) people. I was even super eager to go driving with my mom to practise.
Last time I really cried was in April

But in this past week, I feel like I have undone some of the steps forward that I have taken.
I have said to my mom multiple times that I think this is also caused by hormones and mood swings that come with my period. She said it wasn't but never mind that.
I feel really down a week before my period is due, and getting back on my feet is never easy.
I have the impression I am inadequate, ugly, bored, angry, useless and incapable of facing my issues.
It's probably just because of the hormonal chaos that is inside my body, but just 20 minutes ago, I stood in my bathroom and cried.
Thankfully I managed to compose myself after two minutes. However, this is how it started last time. A few tears every couple months turned into sobbing on the bathroom floor, not being able to stop.
I sincerely hope this is not history repeating itself again. I made a journey, I got better but if even seeing ex-classmates' pictures on Instagram about their happiness over their University made me anxious, I really can't tell if some progress have been made.
I'm trying to be positive. Something I never do. Hopefully, it's just a bad mood and hormones. 😬