Judgy people, shopping and rare positivity – Going Shopping part 2

Attention! This post contains swearing and an awful amount of sarcasm!

I haven’t had the best weekend. I know it’s not even over and it’s already shit.

In Friday I went shopping at our usual retail shopping centre and… boy, it was delightful. πŸ™„

I already talked about going shopping with my family and you are probably wondering? Is she a masochist? Does she want to hurt herself?

No. I am simply a cheap person that wants to buy a lot of makeup for the least possible amount of money.

(Mini-haul coming as soon as I can take the pictures!)

Before 3 PM, I had already received 3 comments of my makeup and one about my weight. And this time I didn’t even try anything on!

So yes, I was in an excellent mood. πŸ™„

I’m really sarcastic this evening.

And I don’t care that my makeup was grungy. And it wasn’t that grungy!

Some orang-y and brown eyeshadow and mascara! A bit smudged in the lower lash line and that’s it!

But I was supercool! Just smiled and said: “I like it, so…”. The complete sentence would have been “I like it, so… fuck off πŸ–•”.

I totally kept my cool, even about the weight thing.

Uh! I’ve just remembered! They also said I should renew my wardrobe and dress differently! Silly me! How could I forget this gem!?

Fast-forward to today. Or actually yesterday since it’s already past midnight.

I studied almost all day and I was in a terrible mood. I didn’t have energies, I was sleepy, I didn’t care about anything but most of all… I was angry. Really really pissed.

And I was looking forward to 7 PM, when I get to say a big “fuck you, University, I hate you.”.

I just wanted to catch up on the shows nominated for the Emmys that I haven’t seen. (Post about them coming soon).

But no! I had to write this post of Facebook for the association my family is working with. I hate it so much. I was forced into managing the Facebook page and I truly hate it. Have I said “hate” enough in this post? Yes? Well I hate it.

I don’t get how they managed to reel me into it. And since they are interested in it, they are under the impression that I have to care about it. And I truly don’t. Maybe 5%. Nah. Too much. 3%. 2,5%.

Since I was in a foul mood, my mom said: “come on, cheer up! Why are you pulling that face”

And like every single time she asks I respond: “it’s my face”

But today she went on and said: “you should smile more”

So I laughed and pulled my best and most real fake smile. And today every time she looked at me I put on that smile and let her know I was empty and dying inside.

FUN TIMES! πŸ™„

And I told her! She knew I was faking it and kept laughing, thinking it was a funny joke. Sorry. It wasn’t.

I have all of this repressed anger and a lot of my personality hidden and it is slowly driving me insane. Why can’t I be free, do whatever the fuck I want and not be judged? I know I’m not the most positive person ever, but when you see something you don’t have to immediately point out their vices and voice your judgy opinion. There are people who are different than you, enjoy doing different things than you. Stop criticising them! If you see only the negative aspects of a persone, you don’t have to underline it and point it about. Especially if they are about people! Shut up! It’s not their vices that define them!

I can’t believe how positive I am tonight. I’m probably having a stroke and not realising it.

So to sum up, I got criticised for my makeup, the way I dress; I got body shamed, got asked to smile more and waisted an entire Saturday evening doing shit I don’t care about and absolutely hate.

So yay! Great weekend! I also found out one of my middle school classmate got married today. Surreal! πŸ‘°πŸ»

Tomorrow (well it’s not 00:20 here so technically today) I’ll be studying again. Let’s just hope they will for a hike and leave me here with my pizza and my solitude. πŸ™

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Going Shopping

Every 6 months my family and I go a shopping centre an hour away from our town. There you can buy designer clothes for really cheap prices. It’s that occasion where you can splurge on expensive things without going bankrupt.

I was excited, really excited. There are 2 makeup store and I can’t even begin to tell you the deals I got last time.

We were 7 women ready to shop. Everyone had stores they wanted to check out and they all had things to buy. My sister was obsessed in finding a winter coat, my mom wanted to buy some no-iron-shirts for my dad and so on.

The main thing for my was to buy makeup I wouldn’t normally wear at really really cheap price. BUT my mother had other ideas: she wanted to buy me a coat.

A thing that is really nice of her, don’t get me wrong. But we arrived at the place at 9.30AM and at 10AM I was already ready to cry.

Going shopping with my mom and aunt is ALWAYS challenging. They judge everything, they comment on everything and they make you feel like shit. And this is only the clothing part of all the criticism that goes on.

My weight, my posture, the shirt I’m wearing, my taste in clothes, my attitude, my haircut, my decisions… It’s really adorable.

I had 12 pair of eyes on me while I was trying them on. I hate being judged. I hate it, hate it, hate it… And my family is really good at it.

I’m not kidding, I tried on at least 8 different coats and some of them didn’t fit me well. I had my eyes set on a short coat but my family didn’t like it, so of course they tried to convince me that the one they liked was “The One”.

I totally felt like I was on an episode of “Say Yes to The Dress”.

I didn’t like the coat, I didn’t feel comfortable in it, but of course they tried to bully me into getting it. But why would I want to please them?

I am fucking 20 years old and I would like to have a say in what I’m wearing. I would NOT like to be judged like every single minute of my life. I feel like in my family having different opinions and different interests means I’m always wrong. I’ve been trying to accept it in the journey of “getting better” but I believe I shouldn’t be demolished like this.

I know, it’s family. It’s what they do. But forcing me to buy a coat by making me feel as I’m nothing is wrong.

IT’S A COAT. A FUCKING COAT. It’s a futile matter! We shouldn’t argue about it! And they kept bringing it up all fucking day!

I know that the solution would have been simple. To cave. But frankly I had too much pride to just give in. I feel like seeing this post from an outsider’s point of view looks absurd. But I felt like I had to stood up for myself. I remember the many many times they forced me into buying things they like (and that I never wore) or the times they insulted something I had bought. I stopped wearing them, I simply took them off, hung in my clothes and after I year or two I gave them to charity.

I don’t do New Year’s resolution because I think they’re dumb, but after I decided to take a semester off, I have goals to achieve in order to get better.

I want to always stand up for myself and spend more time with people I ACTUALLY want to. I want to openly disagree with my family and finally be free!!! Sounds dramatic…

I’m trying to “be positive” (like my mother always says) so

  1. Tonight there are the Golden Globes in America!I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!
  2. Tomorrow my family is going back to work and I can finally relax and start taking photograph for one of my next blog posts (about all the stuff I bought at Pupa and L’Oreal)!

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the rant.

GeorgiaΒ Β Β  πŸ™‚

P.S. I have just realized this is my 50th post! Yay!