I actually liked this episode. I was not annoyed by it. (Aside from all the usual Archie bullsht stuff.)
I loved the writing, the directing, the action and the end… We got to see more of Cheryl and of course Bughead Investigations is back!
The episodes where they work together, communicate and fight these batshit crazy people are always the best.
This is going to be a long one so let’s get started.
Like I wrote in my last review, nodoby believes that Hal Cooper is dead. FUCKING NOBODY. As soon as he asked Betty for a transfer, I knew he was going to escape. It was so predictable.
We finally see Betty and Veronica together! I feel like they haven’t shared a scene in the longest time. But as the only clever person in the entire town, Betty knows what her father is up to and she is 100% sure he’s not dead.
WE BEEN KNEW
She even tries to confront her branwashed mother about it, who got a tattoo because Edgar asked her too.
I’m so over this farm bullshit.
And how weird is it that a 16-year-old is the best parental figure in the entire show (aside from Fred, obviously)
Also HOT JUGHEAD ALERT!
Archie’s mom is back in town and Veronica signs him up for a boxing tournament. Appaarently she’s his manager now and she wants to invest into his gym.
Cheryl reminds everybody about Prom and it’s nice that the writers are aware just how much they don’t act like teenagers.
Jughead wants Betty to move in with him so bad and it’s adorable. And she asks him to Prom!!! How cute is that?!!
Dr. Curdle Jr is back!!! And with the news that one of the 6 people in the van was in fact Hal Cooper. They identified him from his fingerprints and his DNA.
HE PULLED A WORMTAIL! COME ON PEOPLE, DO YOU THINK WE’RE DUMB!
As soon as the weird doctor said: “hand” and “fingerprints” I started yelling at the screen.
He did like the sleezy rat-like spineless person that is Harry Potter’s Wormtail and HE CUT OFF HIS FUCKING HAND.
IT DOESN’T TAKE A GENIUS TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!
Lili Reinhart’s acting was on point in this episode: the simultanious relief and sadness on her face after learning about her dad’s alleged passing was incredible to watch.
Apparently Cherly is not that happy with the Farm’s rules about not campaining for Prom Queen. Even Edgar himself tells her so, threatening to take away Jason.
Long story short: Archie’s mom won’t let him become a professional boxer and ignore his education so she gives him the option of going to a military school to practice boxing. The catch: he’d have to work in the military for 5 years after graduation. AND the night of Veronica’s match is the same one as his interview with the military lady.
URGH I DON’T CARE!!!
Betty is sure Edgar is the one who tattooed his back with the symbols that were on Ben and Dilton. Let’s be honest, it was an opportunity to objectify Chad Michael Murray aaaaaand I don’t care.
Jughead makes an insensitive but overall true comment:
and I loved it.
Bughead is still trying to find out who is behind all this shit that’s been happening in the town for the entire school year. They ask Cheryl, who has given up on life, about changing the Prom theme to medieval times and even them are confused by her attitude.
They have a plan to capture the Gargoyle King and they ask the Serpents and the Pretty Poisons to help them. Apparently Peaches is in charge now?
Why would they do all this mess about the Poisons only to have Toni join the Farm and find her “real” family? How many families does she fucking need?
AAAAAAND IT’S PROM NIGHT!
LOOK HOW HAPPY THEY ARE FOR ONCE!!!
Varchie seems to be reconnecting…
And Choni looks so in love with each other!!! CUTE
Then some creep with a mask hands Betty an envelope with a… quest (?) and she follows the instructions, meeting him alone.
And the scary part begins… I was on the edge on my seat for the entire sequence and I loved it. I loved how quiet and dark it all was. They show us a parallel between Young Alice finding the cups in the bathroom and Betty finding them and YES!!!
But then there’s the Gargoyle King! AND THEN THE BLACKHOOD SHOWS UP AND HE TRIES TO KILL BETTY.
Like… WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?
LEAVE. BETTY. ALONE!
She doens’t need her father trying to kill her, on top of all the crazyness going around! And Betty keeps finding dead bodies until she hides in the same closet Jughead lived in and the one where the murdered Principal was found in.
Until Jughead finally finds her.
GIVE HER A BREAK!
She was a super cool badass in the action sequence and it was so fucking intense!
LET’S TORMENT ARCHIE! GIVE BETTY THE BOXING STORYLINE AND START TORMENTING THAT USELESS DUMMIE!
On a different note, Jughea might be into seeing Betty boxing. You saying… for all you lovely bughead writers out there.
But it’s not over. Betty gets roped into living at the Farm by her mother and that fucking Edgar and if something happens to her, I SWEAR I’ll scream.
Apparently Hal cut off his hand and replaced it with a hook.
I repeat, A FUCKING HOOK.
What is this? A poorly executed Pirates of the Caribean spin-off? Where is the eye-patch? Are they going to bring out a talking parrot? WHERE’S THE RUM!?
Even in Game of Thrones they gave Jaime a fucking gold hand. Couldn’t he get a prostetic one?
I’m sure it’s a lot easier to find than a fucking HOOK!
WHAT IS THIS SHOW?!?
I’m done with this.
I have so many thoughts and I think I’m in need of writing a post that is not a review. A post where I rant like a crazy person about how much I dislike Archie and how angry I am with the writers. (Please don’t break Bughead up).
I need to talk about this!!! Leave me a comment with your thought on the episode because I need to vent. I think everybody does. This was crazy.