When I started thinking about writing this article, I thought to myself: “Oh, it’s easy!”
Then I started writing it and things got dicey.
The parents on this show are so bad! One more terrible than the other!
Alice Cooper: send her daughters to the Sisters, got rid of a body, spent Betty’s college money, psychologically abused her children and spread #FakeNews all over town.
Hal Cooper: a sociopath who murdered “sinners” for an entire season, he psychologically tormented his daughter, almost forced his wife and then his daughter to have an abortion against their will.
Fred Andrews: Has Fred ever done anything wrong? No, seriously.
Mary Andrews: She’s been nothing but nice… Not that present in her son’s life but compared to the shit other parents have done, this is literally nothing. I mean… she abandoned her child after he was sent to prison, gave up on his case and was obtuse enough not to notice the missing footage.
Hiram Lodge: Kingpin, murdered people, mobster, sells drugs to children, corrupt as fuck, overall horrible person, treats his wife like a pawn and sent Archie to prison (Had Archie stayed more time in prison, Hiram would have done us a huge favor.).
Hermione Lodge: complicit in her husband’s affair, murderer (Goodbye Sheriff Minetta), corrupted, shady, mobster wife
Clifford Blossom: he killed his son, hired people to dispose of his body, drug lord and overall asshole,
Penelope Blossom: she abused Cheryl because of he sexuality, she poisoned people, conspired to kill her mother-in-law/adoptive mother (that’s super weird… She became Clifford’s sister and companion and then his wife… Ew.), she
FP Jones: helped cover up a murder, alcoholic, gang member who most probably sold drugs…. and now a sheriff?
Gladys Jones: she abandoned her child with his alcoholic father, shady as hell, probably killed Penny Peabody, manipulating monster, drug lord and overall horrible person… ando probably so many more crimes.
Keller & McCoy
Tom Keller: I like Tom! He was supportive of Kevin when he came out and he tried his best as Sheriff. Sure, his affair with
Mayor Attorney McCoy is not ideal but compared to the others, this is literally nothing.
Sierra McCoy: She was in cahoots with the Lodges, accepted bribes (#Corruption) and she wasn’t a good public servant and… yeah. Not good. She redeemed herself, especially in the second part of season 2 and now in season 3.
Mr Mantle: He hits his own child. He’s an abuser.
So…. to sum up: Hiram and Hal are the worst. But recently Gladys has raised in the rankings. Isn’t she so horrible?!
But if you had to rank them… What would your list look like?
I’ve thought about this a lot and I think mine is, from best to worst.
Fred > Tom > Mary > Sierra > FP > Alice > Hermione > Penelope > Clifford > Hiram > Gladys > Hal
For the last 4, I had to count how many people they killed and count up from that. That’s super weird.
And Clifford, Hiram, Gladys and Hal probably deserve all first place. I just hope Gladys will leave as soon as possible. I just can’t stand her.
I like Daddy more than I like her. AND THAT’S SAYING A LOT!