I can’t drink coffee anymore. I love it and I can’t have it.
I’ve been without it for months and every time I see people around me drinking it, I go crazy.
In highschool I used to drink the 4 cups moka by myself, at 3pm. It gave me energy for the intensive afternoon studying session.
And then it became an habit, especially after I started going to university. I started drinking it in the morning, after lunch and, in the past year, after dinner as well.
I became a coffee snob, I bought only the expensive kind I liked, then I switched to the even more expensive one from Colombia. And it was so good.
It was the highlight of my day.
But this year, around September, I started noticing I was a lot more anxious whenever I drank it.
It made my heart beat faster, it made me feel like a had a huge weight on my chest. Breathing was hard. I couldn’t keep my anxiety in check, it made my entire body tingle. I felt like my body was detached from me.
And all of a sudden, I stopped drinking it.
Now, I’ve been coffee free since November and I miss it. Oh, I miss it so much.
To be honest, I’ve had a couple of cups since then. Once at a café: I was having breakfast with my friend and I totally forgot I couldn’t drink it. So, out of habit, I ordered a capuccino.
And it was a terrible idea.
I tried it once more another day and I couldn’t fall asleep and I felt like a couldn’t breathe. So yeah…
I can’t drink it anymore.
I hope my anxiety will eventually allow me to have it again, at least in the morning.
I just miss it. I want it so bad and I can’t hve it.