FINALLY!!! I missed Riverdale!!!
I NEED SOME BUGHEAD!!!
And we got it. But first of all let me just say…
WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THIS!?!?
I did not understand a single thing that happened and especially WHY THE WRITERS HAVE NO IDEA OF WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT THEY ARE DOING.
What was this?! No seriously?! What was this episode?!
THIS WAS INSANE
Starting with the whole quarantine thing. They made such a big deal about it and all of a sudden… It’s gone.
Ok. Alright. Sure.
Archie is in a cabin in the middle of nowwhere and I wished with all my heart that he would just stay there. Just stay there. You and the dog.
Cheryl and Toni are stealing stuff to people in town while dressed as cats. Because you know… “cat burglers“.
This weird RROTC group that has them dressed like a mix of sailor and a policeman uniform… The fuck is this?!? It’s been appearing sporadically on the show and I still haven’t figured out what is is.
They are enforcing a school policy that says: “All physical contact must be kept to a minimum.”
… and that’s because……….. of the seizures? At this point, I have no idea. I’m just along for the ride.
One more thing…
YOU CAN’T SING SWING MUSIC WITH A BACKGROUND TRACK. THERE HAS TO BE A BAND THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
But I don’t care… because the next scene is Bughead in bed together so I’m happy.
They are so #married and all this domesticity is EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED. I mean… LATE NIGHT TALKS IN BED?! What could be more #married that this?!
I’m not done yet. Brace yourselves.
Like… HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE AN EXTREME REACTION ABOUT A
DRESS PHOTO LIKE THAT!?
(It’s a quote from a beloved comedy show… Can you guess which one?)
Jug not so subtly mentioning they still don’t have a sheriff right after Just Jared published the spoiler pictures of FP as the Sheriff.
That dumbass Archie gets warned that there are bears in the woods and… A FUCKING BEAR ATTACKS HIM!!!!
OUT OF THE BLUE!!!
JUST LIKE THAT!
Am I supposed to believe this!? No seriously. What the fuck is wrong with the writers on this show?!
He somehow manages to get back to the cabin and lay on his bed, with poor stuck-with-idiot-Archie Vegas at his feet, protecting him.
Reggie gets attacked, Veronica is at war with Daddy… yadi yadi…. I don’t care. They flirt, it’s cute.
I like Veggie a lot more than Varchie.
Betty and Lawyer McCoy try to get the nuns to turn on Hiram but of course they won’t. They’re not even part of the church!
Jughead warns the serpents not to deal drugs or they’ll be stripped of their jacket and kicked out of the gang.
HOW CAN A 16 YEAR OLD PROVIDE FOR AN ENTIRE GANG?!? NO, SERIOUSLY?! HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO FIND THEM JOBS WHEN HE HIMSELF IS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL?!
I’ll never understand why they made FP step down. He has nothing to do all day but stay sober.
Why not take on a project? LIKE YOUR OWN GANG, you imbecile?
And yet, Jughead manages to pull it off: he gets the Serpents jobs working security at Veronica’s speak easy. You go, honey. That’s the best you can do and I love you.
Fangs is the one that deals drugs to pay for his mom’s medical bills and Jughead looks the other way and doesn’t exile him. But when Cheryl and Toni are put on the spot for stealing the Lodge’s… precious egg thingy (?) there is a whole things and… bla bla bla long story short: Fangs, Cheryl and Toni are out.
In this episode they went backwords a million steps with Cheryl’s character development and I HATE IT. Why did the writers do this to them?
And just saying but.. why isn’t Cheryl housing the serpents?! She is part of the group and she’s filthy rich…
This whole thing doesn’t make sense. It never does but we have reached a point where it’s all stupid and nonsensical.
It’s just sad.
They always destroy Cheryl’s character, then they redeem her, then she’s a horrible person again, then she is just misunderstood… I’m tired of all of this and the lack of respect they have for Toni’s character. She was introduced to cause Bughead problems and now she is just “the girlfriend of”.
But when Betty asks if she can house some of the kids she freed from the Sisters, SURE, Cheryl is super available. I mean… REALLY?! Why didn’t she give the money she stole to the others Serpents!?
It’s time for Archie’s hallucinations. How fun. (Another John Oliver’s “Sarcastic Cool” gif seems redundant. You can hear the sarcasm from miles.)
First he dreams of Cassidy, the guy whose murder he played guilty to. He sends him on a quest: killing the Blackhood so he won’t shoot Fred. Then there’s the prison warden who sends him to kill Hiram. Hilarious.
For a moment I had forgotten Joaquin was dead!!! That’s real sad.
Then he sees Betty, Jughead and Veronica dressed in the same clothes as the pilot and they send him to… well… to kill himself.
I LOVE IT.
Then one of the stupidest things on the show happens
Jughead and the Serpents (with a reinstated FP ’cause he’s tired of being on the sidelines) capture one of the Gargoyle Gang and THEY DON’T EVEN LIFT THE MASK TO SEE WHO THE FUCK IT WAS?!
THAT’S THE FIRST THING I WOULD HAVE DONE! Check out the competish!
Anyway, they send Fangs in as a spy… Please don’t kill him he is adorable.
Also… GARGOYLE GANG, just like Jingle Jangle and Warden Norton, this show has a fascination for alliterations and it’s killing me.
And while Archie is dying in the cabin, WATCH WHAT HAPPENED:
THE ENDING THOUGH. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE ENDING, YOU GUYS.
I was wooo-hooing, clapping, fist pumping, throwing my hands in the air. It was amazing. Like when in the season 3 premiere this moron pleads guilty.
I loved it. I had so much fun! It was hilarious.
Of course, I know he is not dead. I’m not crazy. (says the weirdo who was overcome with happiness when the main character of the show *dies*).
I had a blast. It was really fun.
Oh and the nuns ascended! They drank the blue thingy in the chalice!
They are super dead. 💀
You guys… This episode was trash. It was really bad. Badly written, the concept itself didn’t make sense, they DESTROYED Cheryl and Toni and I am not happy.
What are your thoughts on this madness? And did you guess where the quote was from? And what about Cheryl’s character development? AREN’T YOU AS ANGRY AS I AM!?
Leave me a comments and let’s talk!