Only 8 episodes and it’s already time for the Winter Hiatus. This is so sad. This first part of season 3 has been a rollercoaster!
You guys…. What was this episode?! It made no sense. Almost nothing made sense, it was all very detached and I hated Gladys with all my heart.
We get an update on Kevin’s love life: still smooching with a closeted Moose! Thank TV Gods for giving him a more comprehensive storyline in episode 5!
But we don’t have time to linger on that because the Cheerleaders are having a collective seizure!
Cheryl asks Toni to move in with her in a conversation that was awkward from beginning to end. The fact that she calls her “TT” is horrendous and I don’t understand why ANYONE would think this is a good idea.
The dialogue is terrible and the delivery… UNBEARABLE TO WITNESS.
Meanwhile, Daddy and Hermione want to ship Veronica off to New York, people are super high on Fizzle Rock, Reggie goes investigating… which is ridiculous… THAT IS BUGHEAD TERRITORY, BITCH. STAY IN YOUR LANE.
Some of the parents are having a meeting with the principal and mayor. Veronica and Cheryl storm in, they have a quarrel with Hiram and all of a sudden…
Penelope Blossom nods at Hermione Lodge and BAM! She’s having a seizure as well!
Veronica confronts Daddy and he is delusional:
It’s so much bigger than what you’re giving me credit for. What’s coming next is practically biblical. Years in the making.Hiram Lodge
He offers Veronica to work with him, after he will conquer the town and his kingdom or some shit.
And he does it! Hemione calls the governor and BOOM! the entire city of Riverdale is put under qurantine! Nobody can come in or get out!
and FP and Jughead are blocked outside!
At The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy…
Although in the latest episode we left Betty allucinating the Gargoyle King, we now see her faking the hell out of it and she is amazing. Mama Cooper is back in town and I. Don’t. Care.
Betty tries to trick Ethel into visiting together the Gargoyle King and BAM! she locks her in! After the drugs wear off, Ethel realises it’s just a fucking statue and what she saw was an allucination!
NO SHIT SHERLOCK
Betty manages to call Veronica and tells her about Claudius Blossom’s affairs with the Sisters… So the next logical move is… to torture and almost waterboard Penelope with Maple Syrup?!
Betty Cooper can save herself, bitches! She doen’t need anybody!
Finally, Betty and Ethel kidnap Sister Woodhouse and she tells them the Game originated in the asylum, it was “a game born of madness” a fantasy created by mentally unstable patients and the Sisters just went with it, exploiting it to terrify children.
But the other kids don’t want to leave so they turn it into a quest, giving the teens hope. And they create “The Gargoyle Queen“.
ENTER LILI REINHART DRESSED AS THE GARGOYLE QUEEN WITH PIECES OF A MOP STICKED ON TREE BRANCHES:
So Betty and Ethel free all the patients! You go girls!
Jughead and Jellybean finally reunite!
Look how happy he is!!!
I HATE GLADYS JONES.
Setting aside, just for a moment, that she abandoned Jughead and left him with his alcoholic father, she didn’t want him to go to Toledo after FP was imprisoned for fucking murder, she didn’t come to see him when he was beaten to DEATH…
What’s the point of her, appearing on the show now?!? I don’t get it. I don’t care about her, I don’t like her, it makes no sense!!!
She left Riverdale to escape a life of crime and gangs only to… live a life of crime and gangs?
I hate talking trash of women, but this is ridiculous. The character is just badly written and I hate it.
The TOLEDO SERPENTS?! REALLY?!
Jellybean… Sweetie… You are the coolest character in season 3.
STAY AWAY FROM THAT ASSHOLE ARCHIE.
Jughead’s conversation with Gladys should have been so much meaner. I would have resented her so much more.
Oh and all of a sudden, Penny Peabody shows up. THE FUCK?!? Oh and apparently, Gladys has killed Penny?
I give up. I give up trying to make sense of this bullshit.
“The big price isn’t Archie’s head. It’s Riverdale.”
NO SHIT SHERLOCK! WE KNEW THAT! WE DON’T NEED YOU EXPLAINING THIS TO US, YOU IDIOT.
“So it’s not about ascending to the Kingdom.” JUGGIE PLEASE! REGAIN YOUR MENTAL SANITY! Mommy dearest then asks Jughead to basically ditch Archie. WOW. What a nice person. And then THE IDIOT comes in and is like: “I need to be alone so they won’t hurt you. Look, I’m almost nice.” EW.
“Jughead, you can stay as long as you want.”
“No, I think I need to go home.”
YES, JUGHEAD. GO HOME. GO SEE BETTY. Please leave Toledo.
FRED ANDREWS IN THE BUIDING!!! What did he do to deserve such an idiot for a son? He is literally the best parent out of all the others and he just… I feel sorry for him. He has ARCHIE as a son.
And look who’s here!! FP! Weird family reunion. Jelly isn’t so happy with FP. No shit. She is totally right. Gladys tells Jughead: “I’m gonna miss you.” and I went: “BULLSHIT.”
And FP and Gladys’ hug was so uncomfortable, especially when she kissed him on the cheek. The fuck was that?!
I need to show my appreciation for Jellybean because she is amazing:
Some shit happens with Archie… I dyes his hair black, Fred gives him Vegas the dog and he start walking into the woods so that he can reach the border to Canada? I don’t know and I don’t care. I only feel sorry for Fred.
AND THEN HIRAM RAISES A GLASS TO THE GARGOYLE KING?! Was that a person in a costume? Was that the real mastermind behind all of this? Or was it just an allucination?! That wouldn’t make sense, though.
BUT WHEN HAS THIS SHOW EVER MADE SENSE!?
I’ve rambled on enough. It was a… mediocre winter finale. There wasn’t a huuuuuuge cliffhanger, or a singe piece of information left uncovered. Sure, the town in quarantined but I feel like it’s not that big of a deal.
Before I forget, stay tuned for more posts about Riverdale. I’ll be posting one article per week until the show is back on January 16th 2019.
Are there topics or issues you’d like me to discuss? Let me know!