I’m Ok. No, scratch that.
I am not okay.
What was this episode and most of all…
WHY DID I LOVE IT SO MUCH!
I have to admit, I was not 100% sold on this. 15% of my brain feared this would be as terrible as the musical episode (whose songs I cannot get out of my head, to be honest. They are so catchy I hate them) but…
I loved it.
Get ready because I will definitely go over the 1.000 words. And most of them will be Cole Sprouse related. I have a lot of opinions.
And right from the beginning, TROUBLE ON THE HORIZON! Alice is in the bathroom waiting for a pregnancy test to show her the results. She’s pregnant, obviously. With FP Jones’ baby.
The scene in the bathroom was so fake! The acting was terrible and Hermione’s reactions were insufferable.
And seeing KJ Apa with dark hair was just weird. Like seeing Cole blonde. It’s just… no!
The group is put in detention: Hermione, Alice, Sierra and Penelope for fighting in the bathroom and FP and Fred for running around the school hallways naked.
Lili Reinhart played Young Alice Cooper beautifully.
She showed another side of her acting, one that she was not able to use while portraying Betty Cooper. Acting as the rebellious bad girl from the wrong side of the track, she was amazing. She really was. The smirks, eye rolls and overall facial expressions were spot on.
And let’s talk about Cole Sprouse for a bit. Like this GIF by dailyrivermale.tumblr.com
I am fucking speechless.
Oh and this? This absolutely killed me.
THE. SEXUAL. TENSION. BETWEEN. THESE. TWO!!!
I totally get it. I mean, have you seen him? The smirk he gives her and her reaction… I do not have the words to comment on all of this.
Then of course there’s THE scene that shows how different and how similar they are to their grown-up version: like Fred wanting to stay in Riverdale and run for mayor and Sierra hating that idea, but ending up doing it later in life.
We see a little bit of FP’s back story, trying to fit in the north side, his dad beating him up and his unwillingness to join the Serpents.
And some weird ass shit with Penelope: apparently, she was “taken in” by the Blossom family as an orphan, became a sort of sister to Clifford and they ended up marrying him!!!
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
The writers cannot leave this incest/inbreeding thing alone! It’s awful! Just as horrible as FP and Alice having sex where their respective children were sleeping together and Betty and Jughead having sex in Dilton’s bunker, or Veronica and Archie having sex in the show while his father is fighting for his life at the hospital or…
You get it. Ok? Riverdale cannot deal with sex in a normal way.
She hated the Blossoms and she ended up becoming exactly like them. If not worse.
They start playing the game and yadi yadi… But I could NOT watch FP trying to kiss Hermione. I could only see Cole and Camila and it freaked me out.
And was the kiss between Fred and Alice necessary? Are Lili and KJ contractually obligated to make out at least once per season? Why do Betty and Archie have to kiss? It’s…. no. It’s wrong.
They are friends!
Adult!Alice did give the best explanation for this:
I mean… WHAT?! And if you look at the beginning of episode 2, the stool where Alice is sitting is still there!!!
Anyway, The Midnight Club was created! They played dress up, playing characters and going around acting out these quests. And they meet Tom, Hiram, Doiley (?) Senior and Reggie Sr.
But shit goes down in the “Ascending Party”. Courtesy of Hiram Lodge, everybody get high on “fizzle rocks“, apparently the “jingle jangle” (lol) of the 90s. Alice was the only one who did not take any ’cause she pregnant and from this moment on, it all seems like a LSD tripping experience. (Full Disclosh: I do not know what it feels like to be on drugs but I’d assume this is the PG-13/trying to scare teenagers version of it).
“But to this day, I wonder what was in those drugs. Maybe whatever turned us into monsters. Or maybe we had been monsters all along.”
Ok, Penelope Blossom’s dancing was hilarious. I loved it. It was so bad.
And then this chalice thing… With the writings on the wall and the scary creature in the hallway… It felt so supernatural that it kinda pissed me off.
But at the same time…
I NEED TO KNOW WHO OR WHAT THAT CREATURE IS. LIKE NOW. GIVE ME ALL THE ANSWERS, ROBERTO! TELL ME NOW.
It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m calm. *breathes in* * breathes out*
And look! The Principal is missing! And Fred Andrews’ dad died, while they were at the party.
So they make a pact, never to speak about what went down that night and that they saw the Principal.
Turns out: the Principal had been dead all along, shoved in a closet under the stairs with blue lips.
A closet that looks suspiciously like the one Jughead was sleeping in in season 1.
WHICH IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.
First with the Alice and Fred having sex in the same bed Jughead and Betty did (and the billion awkward sex related things on this show) and now this?!
So the Principal is dead, yadi yadi… What interests me is that he was not supposed to be there.
The blue poison was intended for one of them. Somebody was trying to kill them.
NOW shit gets interesting! This is what I’m here for! A mysterious murder mystery with intricate and obscure patterns.
There is a reason True Detective was an extremely successful show and that Riverdale’s show runner decided to use it as inspiration for this season: it fucking works.
Not like Season 2, which was a mess.
Anyway, they “destroy” the game. They scatter the pieces of the game around the town so that no one can find it. (Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t work) and they agree never to speak again about all of this. And speak to each other for that matter.
“After playing G&G it was a return to reality. We went our separate ways and burdened by our guilt, we became different people.”
Ok this was just sad.
Their lives went to shit after that night. They turned into the people they hated and despised.
Before seeing the episode, I would have assumed I would be heart-broken by FP and Alice’s passionate relationship, whereas what was truly sad was Sierra and Tom’s story.
And it makes their affair in season 2 all the more understandable. In fact, I am absolutely thrilled they are together. I have heard there might even be a wedding this season (don’t know if that it actually true, so don’t take my word for it) and I would be ecstatic if it were Tom and Sierra’s.
But one of the most shocking things, is the ending. Of course. They need to get that cliffhanger on and that “is it next thursday yet?” desperate feeling.
Alice makes Betty promise not to play the game, given how addictive as it is. Turns out…
Jughead, Cheryl, Toni, Sweet Pea and Fang have been playing the game! And Jughead has gone crazy!
I loved it. The writers assured us that they would not separate Betty and Jughead as much as they did in season 2 (which was a fucking crime and I’m still not over it) so I hope she can help him regain his sanity and get that stupid fucking game out of his head.
HURT HIM AND I’LL FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE.
Almost 1300 words later, this post is over. I went a little bit overboard. And I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the things I want to say.
Hopefully, before Thursday I’ll get another post up because I have a lot of questions. Especially about FP and Alice.
Tell me your thoughts about the episode. Did you love it? What do you think about FP and Alice? How is it possible that Cole Sprouse becomes more and more attractive as episodes go by?
I’m always up for swapping theories and impressions!