Reasons to keep reading this review and watch the episode:
1. two shirtless Jughead scenes.
2. Jughead in suspenders
3. Veronica, Cheryl, Betty and Josie’s dresses and stunning necklines.
… and a whole lot of crazy! If you haven’t already, check out my previous Riverdale posts!
Let’s get into the episode!
At first I was like…. oh no more scenes with Archie in prison and then…
Falice in bed together. I like them, they are interesting characters but I’m a bughead fan and this is all incestuous and weird. Especially because they then start talking about their children!
AND IT’S THE SAME BED. EW.
and then Betty and Jughead are in Dilton’s bunker having sex?!
It’s your DEAD classmate’s weird ass bunker! So, yes, Betty, it is fucking weird you guy are “crushing” there. THIS SHOW!!!
DON’T THE WRITERS SEE HOW WEIRD AND WRONG SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE?
And yet, seeing a shirtless Jughead solving crimes with Betty made it all perfectly fine..
What have I become?
For the record…
THESE ARE THE FIRST 3 MINUTES OF THE SHOW!!!
Bughead’s investigation leads them to Ethel and the weird new girl from the farm… Apparently they know each other, she has been helping her.
More importantly, we get a look at Veronica’s Speak Easy! With Reggie seemingly in charge, (shouldn’t that be FP?) Veronica encounters some problem. Pop’s Tate Shop is not doing so well and she NEEDS to open the bar.
But South Side Penny Peabody has other plans. She interferes by shipping boxes of Jingle Jangle to Veronica and then sending Sheriff Minetta for an inspection.
Some shit with Archie… The warden wants him to fight in a secret boxing ring and yadi yadi… He wins but too fast so the warden is pissed. Then he sends in to an outdoors gym where somehow there is Joaquin.
Betty and Jughead try to talk to Ethel again but damn, she crazy. She tells Betty she’ll never be worthy of the game and to Jughead to meet her in the bunker.
I’m very worried and scared for Jughead…
Him playing that dangerous game with Ethel… Even if it is just for the first step.
Something else I have to comment on… Aren’t all those candles a fire hazard? It’s a bunker, in the middle of a forest and there are at least 100 candles lying around. I would be terrified the whole thing would just blow up, and with it, my sweet Jughead.
IS ALICE OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND? SHE TOLD THOSE WEIRDOS ABOUT THE SHADY MAN AND CHIC?
As the episode moves forward, I’m growing more and more concerned about Jughead and this fucking game. I have to wait two weeks for the flashback episode and this is unacceptable.
And he has to kiss Ethel? Because it is in the fucking scriptures? What has this show become?! It makes even less sense than before and I love it.
I did not watch the kiss nor I even will. This is some garbage and I hate it.
Why the hell did she drink from the cup? And what was in it? Jughead’s lips were black! I have so many questions.
Shannon Purser plays crazy beautifully. She really looks demented. Finally a great performance on this show! (I also loved Alice’s meltdown after she found out her son Charles was dead. Her scene with FP was heartbreaking.)
I’ve heard some idiots sending hate messages and comments because of the kiss, just like Vanessa Morgan (Toni Topaz) did in season 2: the character she plays on TV briefly kissed another character on TV. They were acting. It’s their job. The actress does not write the scripts, you morons.
Moving onto Veronica… Her line:
“That’s right, Daddy. I’m shaking you down”
The opening of the Speak Easy was amazing. Cheryl’s dress was stunning and her boobs… Wow. I mean. Wow. The plunging neckline looked amazing on her and for the first time, we see Cheryl happy.
She was happy being photograph by Toni, she had a smile on her face in this scene. I am so glad she has finally found some peace.
Usually I am not a fan of the musical stuff on the show, but this was mesmerizing. Absolutely loved it. It was magnetic.
The writers have this ability of making me forget all the crazy shit that happens by simply putting Jughead in suspenders or leaving him shirtless. And for this: THANK YOU.
Everybody looks amazing. They all look like a combination between the roaring 20s and the classic 50s with a modern twist.
Betty and Jughead were a vision together. They looked stunning. And Reggie’s outfit! And Veronica’s!
Daddy dearest showed up in all his evilness and yet… he looked incredibly hot.
Wait, speaking of hot dads…
WHERE IS THE RIVERDALE HOT DADS SQUAD?
In episode 1 it felt like they were about to riot and then… nothing. They disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Going back to Archie for a brief moment: when the warden said: “That kid is a star.” and I legit shouted: “THE GLORIOUS LADIES OF WRESTLING, BITCHES.” (I’m still missing season 2 btw, but nevermind)
FP and Alice teaming up to protect their children… By burning the only copy of the rule book of the game that Ethel gave Jughead after that whole debacle with the drinking, the kissing and the candles.
And up it goes into flames…
Archie, Archie, Archie… how are you so dumb?
“We’re escaping. Somehow.”
I started laughing like a maniac. Archie might be on the road to redemption for all his sins but he still makes unbelievably stupid decisions.
Never change, idiot.
And another shirtless Jughead to make me entirely forget the garbage that happened in the 40 minutes between those two topless scenes. I’m not even mad about it. Why would I?
They sure know how to keep me interested.
But the episode is not over!
Even though FP and Alice had burnt the only manual, it appears every single person in school has had a copy put in their locker.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Even if a week late, I hope you enjoyed my review.
I cannot wait to see the next episode!!! WE MIGHT GET TO SEE THE PARENTS AND THIS UNSPEAKABLE EVEN THAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY WERE IN HIGHSCHOOL!!!
I really cannot wait and I am so pissed I have to wait 2 weeks to see it.
What do you think happened? Do you have any theories? How excited are you to see Rebel!Alice and Young!FP?!
And how weird is it that they have all hooked up, some of them married each other and now some of their kids are dating? It’s so weird and confusing.
Great episode. Slightly less awkward than the previous one. *has Jailhouse Rock/shaking of the fence flashbacks*