Book Review: Miracle on 5th Street by Sarah Morgan

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THIS SHITTY BOOK. I shouldn’t even write this disclaimer because I would do you a favour by telling you the end.

This was so bad. Like, really really bad.
I joined a great book chick-lit club and up until this one, the books I’ve read were really good. 

For example, they recommended Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine (an amazing and heartwarming story about a socially inadequate girl) and The Hating Game (a fantastic romance between two colleagues who are competing for the same promotion).
This, on the other hand, was completely horrible.

I hated everything about it. Literally every single thing.
It was sexist, full of stereotypes, the plot was ridiculous, the dialogues idiotic, the writing mediocre and filled with so many outdated tropes of the genre.

And it’s not over!

It’s about a girl (whose name I forgot) and obviously the man she falls in love with. In the span of a couple of weeks.

Because it’s something that happens. Here and on “The Bachelor” franchise.

The protagonist works for a party planning / event organizing company and she gets hired to decorate this guy’s house for Christmas.
She is the typical happy, bubbly, positive and christmas-loving girl and he is a thriller novelist who hates everything and everyone.
Somehow in the first 50 pages she mentions sex, having said sex and how she wants to have sex with him.

And of course he fantasizes about her! There is a line in the book and I swear on my sister, it goes: “The Kitten has claws”
NO. No. No. No.

Basically, Lucas’ grandmother (Lucas is the hunk whose apartment she is decorating) paid for Eva (the girl’s name finally came to mind!!) to make the house feel christmas-y so when he came back from his writing session in Vermont, he would find the surprise.
But he is not in Vermont, he is in his apartment! But the grandma paid for Eva to stay where and of course she HAS to finish her job so she stays there with him!
All of a sudden, inspiration strikes and he finds himself writing a novel based on this girl’s personality.
UTTER BULLSHIT.

Then the grandmother is being a pimp and trying to pair them off, then there is some gala she RSVPs without his permission so they are forced to go to the ball, they sleep together, then some awkwardness, then some other shit happens.
We find out his dead wife was cheating on him so now he doesn’t believe in true love and she is really upset by this because of course she believes in it! Then they argue for some reason and then… HAPPY ENDING!
They’ll be together forever!

Other things that bothered me:
– his wife’s name is Sallyanne which reminds me of Kellyanne Conway, so that was a big NO from the start.
– Eva, the protagonist, is basically the SNL’s sketch with the brilliant Cecily Strong: the one dimentional female character from a male driven comedy. This sketch must have been based on Eva from this book.

I hated it from start to finish. I don’t know why I kept reading… maybe just to write this review and tear it to pieces.
Anyway, it’s horrible. Don’t read it. Do something better with your time.

Watch Brooklyn Nine Nine.

xxx

Georgia

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