It’s back

I am terrified that my "dark times" are coming back. I've been studying to take my exams again and although it is going okay, I have this horrible feeling that what happened last year is going to represent itself on September.
I was weak, I cried for everything and going out felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest.
But I've made so many progress! I go out pretty easily, I want to be around (some) people. I was even super eager to go driving with my mom to practise.
Last time I really cried was in April

But in this past week, I feel like I have undone some of the steps forward that I have taken.
I have said to my mom multiple times that I think this is also caused by hormones and mood swings that come with my period. She said it wasn't but never mind that.
I feel really down a week before my period is due, and getting back on my feet is never easy.
I have the impression I am inadequate, ugly, bored, angry, useless and incapable of facing my issues.
It's probably just because of the hormonal chaos that is inside my body, but just 20 minutes ago, I stood in my bathroom and cried.
Thankfully I managed to compose myself after two minutes. However, this is how it started last time. A few tears every couple months turned into sobbing on the bathroom floor, not being able to stop.
I sincerely hope this is not history repeating itself again. I made a journey, I got better but if even seeing ex-classmates' pictures on Instagram about their happiness over their University made me anxious, I really can't tell if some progress have been made.
I'm trying to be positive. Something I never do. Hopefully, it's just a bad mood and hormones. 😬

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3 thoughts on “It’s back

  1. Stay positive! You have come a long way and you’re almost psyching yourself out. Don’t do that!
    Hormones play games with your body and mind. People will react in different ways to them. Some will get angry, some will eat, some will cry. It’s normal but for you it’s one more thing to pile up.
    I’m always here if you want to talk. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s called PMS! It is real! I’m good but Raven becomes a little monster. We’re all different and there’s nothing wrong with it. Again, I’m always here for whenever you need. Rant at me all you like and I’ll still encourage you. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

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