I was hoping to pass at least one exam but I didn’t.
I did two and I didn’t pass either of them. Frankly I don’t know what to do. I thought I was strong enough but apparently this has set me back. I don’t deal well with failure. It is something that detroys me from the inside.
And now I have to tell my family. Great. I can already see their faces. I am sure they are not going to make a big deal out of it, especially my mom, since she is the only one who know what I’ve been going through this past year.
Should I lie? Should I just tell people I passed them?
The world I live in is very judgy. And pityful.
I HATE seeing that expression on people’s faces but even more than that, the judgy look that they give you when they take pity on you.
In a couple of days it’s my birthday, but the last thing I want to do is celebrate. I’d rather dig a hole and hide in it until august. (That’s when I will take the exams again.)
I just want this university part of my life to go away. I hate it. I can’t help myself but I really really hate it with all my heart.
I can’t drop out. I just really can’t. But it is destroying me.
I really want to be a teacher and talk in and about English all day. But the journey getting there is ripping me apart piece by piece.
I know that they are just two exams but I really wanted to pass them so I could get them over with and begin the next year with a fresh start.
Now I’m not so sure I will.