Letting It All Out

Today I sat in mt bathroom floor and cried for 20 minutes.

It hadn’t happened in a couple of months and in the last couple of days. I was truly feeling better. I wanted to study, to do things and get my driving licence.

But apparently something inside of me said “No!” and I found myself sobbing next to the washing machine.

Maybe I just needed to let my feelings go. I’ve been meaning to talk about the stupid thing I’m doing, but I knew that if I did, I’d start crying. But I already did cry, so this is the perfect opportunity. What are a couple more tears!

If you look around my blog, it’s easy to see what my passions are: tv series and makeup. And so what am I doing? I’m keeping my brain stimulated all day.

I don’t let myself think. EVER. Not even for a second.

I always have headphones on. I’m listening to the soundtrack of Hamilton, watching Stephen Colbert and John Oliver and of course watching TV series.

And when I’m not listening or watching things, I’m reading Fanfictions or books.

I’m keeping my brain constantly busy, not letting it rest for even a second. I know it’s wrong. I know. I shouldn’t run away from things, but for now, this is it..

Going back to the crying, I don’t really know what happened. I had words with my dad, but that’s just normal. There was nothing to trigger such an extreme reaction.  Maybe I’m tired, I’ve had a busy week.

My mom said that, in order to get better, I need to get out of the house every day. And I did. I got out and I was wearing clothes and no half-clothes/half-pyjamas, I put on make up, I talked to people, I went to see my grandparents, I’ve been working and tutoring a LOT this week and I also did a dozen of mock tests for the driving license.

Frankly, I don’t know what went wrong.

Just today, I went to the market with my friend, took blog photos, made lunch, helped my aunt, worked all afternoon…  I really don’t understand. Maybe I just overdid it.

I already feel a headache coming on: whenever this (the crying) happens, I always feel like I’m numb and my head is exploding.

By the way, I’m writing this for me. I don’t care about sympathy and shit. I just wanted to feel better.

Georgia