Every 6 months my family and I go a shopping centre an hour away from our town. There you can buy designer clothes for really cheap prices. It’s that occasion where you can splurge on expensive things without going bankrupt.
I was excited, really excited. There are 2 makeup store and I can’t even begin to tell you the deals I got last time.
We were 7 women ready to shop. Everyone had stores they wanted to check out and they all had things to buy. My sister was obsessed in finding a winter coat, my mom wanted to buy some no-iron-shirts for my dad and so on.
The main thing for my was to buy makeup I wouldn’t normally wear at really really cheap price. BUT my mother had other ideas: she wanted to buy me a coat.
A thing that is really nice of her, don’t get me wrong. But we arrived at the place at 9.30AM and at 10AM I was already ready to cry.
Going shopping with my mom and aunt is ALWAYS challenging. They judge everything, they comment on everything and they make you feel like shit. And this is only the clothing part of all the criticism that goes on.
My weight, my posture, the shirt I’m wearing, my taste in clothes, my attitude, my haircut, my decisions… It’s really adorable.
I had 12 pair of eyes on me while I was trying them on. I hate being judged. I hate it, hate it, hate it… And my family is really good at it.
I’m not kidding, I tried on at least 8 different coats and some of them didn’t fit me well. I had my eyes set on a short coat but my family didn’t like it, so of course they tried to convince me that the one they liked was “The One”.
I totally felt like I was on an episode of “Say Yes to The Dress”.
I didn’t like the coat, I didn’t feel comfortable in it, but of course they tried to bully me into getting it. But why would I want to please them?
I am fucking 20 years old and I would like to have a say in what I’m wearing. I would NOT like to be judged like every single minute of my life. I feel like in my family having different opinions and different interests means I’m always wrong. I’ve been trying to accept it in the journey of “getting better” but I believe I shouldn’t be demolished like this.
I know, it’s family. It’s what they do. But forcing me to buy a coat by making me feel as I’m nothing is wrong.
IT’S A COAT. A FUCKING COAT. It’s a futile matter! We shouldn’t argue about it! And they kept bringing it up all fucking day!
I know that the solution would have been simple. To cave. But frankly I had too much pride to just give in. I feel like seeing this post from an outsider’s point of view looks absurd. But I felt like I had to stood up for myself. I remember the many many times they forced me into buying things they like (and that I never wore) or the times they insulted something I had bought. I stopped wearing them, I simply took them off, hung in my clothes and after I year or two I gave them to charity.
I don’t do New Year’s resolution because I think they’re dumb, but after I decided to take a semester off, I have goals to achieve in order to get better.
I want to always stand up for myself and spend more time with people I ACTUALLY want to. I want to openly disagree with my family and finally be free!!! Sounds dramatic…
I’m trying to “be positive” (like my mother always says) so
- Tonight there are the Golden Globes in America!I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!
- Tomorrow my family is going back to work and I can finally relax and start taking photograph for one of my next blog posts (about all the stuff I bought at Pupa and L’Oreal)!
Thanks for reading! Sorry for the rant.
P.S. I have just realized this is my 50th post! Yay!