I briefly mentioned my “feeling down period” in a previous post about Friends, but I never actually explained anything. I don’t feel ready to share everything right now… I kind of think that if I actually talk about it, I would FEEL it and BAM! I’ll be a mess again.
Because for the past month, I have been feeling better. I haven’t been particularly “down” or “depressed” as much as I was before. I reckon telling my mother my problems almost healed me… Or I have just repressed and pushed down everything that I haven’t had a chance to spend more than a few minutes wondering about my “stuff”.
Thinking about it, I have DEFINITELY repressed everything. I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on my problems. I’m trying to occupy every single second of my day with something else, mostly tv series. I am always watching something or reading something. I’m reading FanFictions until I’m half asleep and my phone falls on my face…
A month ago I immersed myself in Friends… I had a break from it for a week and then casually decided to re-watch it again. *insert sarcasm* Yes, I’m so normal.
Then of course I got bored. So I watched “The Crown”, tried to give “Transparent” and “The Mindy Project” a go (didn’t go very well), kept up with my usual weekly schedule of series… I tried to get my brain constantly filled with other stuff, whether it’s music, tv series, movies or the US election post-trauma it didn’t matter.
I am kind of afraid that if I shut all of this down, things will get back to being horrible.
As of now, I’m watching (unbelievably for the first time) Gilmore Girls. And I’m having a huge meltdown… I’ll write a separate post about this… And it’s going to be long and I’m going to frea out.
As for my University, well… I started doing some stuff. When my mom said I could take a break for a semester, I cried out of happiness. BUT OF COURSE, my conscience crept up and made me feel guilty.
I can’t fall behind… I can’t finish my bachelor late. Not even a semester late. I just want to be over with all of this as quickly as I can. Because I want to teach English to students, share my passion for it and not being stuck on a desk learning about how the german language was influenced by anglosaxons in the 2nd century AD.
Let me tell you, I have never read a more boring book in my entire life… And I read one about phonetic!
Anyway, my goal is to at least do 2 exams this January, so that I’m not extremely behind on everything.
Moreover, I’m going out of my house more!! In my pyjamas, but still. I went out every day of the week! Almost entirely voluntarily!
I feel like I am making small progresses, but it may be just my problems, lulling my into a false sense of security before dragging me down to the bottom of the well.
Oh well… Let me get back to Gilmore Girls. See you soon