I have only written reviews so far and entering the “personal” sphere scares the shit out of me.
In a week, my Uni courses start again. I’m still confused about how I feel about it.
I am a student at Ca’ Foscari University in Venice. I’m studying “Lingua, Civiltà e scienze del Linguaggio” which is translated into: “Language, Civilisation and Science of Language”.
Let me just start by saying that I haven’t had an easy year. I was terrified by Uni. It took me ages to sign up and even more to actually attend classes. As soon as someone mentioned “University” or “Venice” I started crying.
It’s not that I didn’t like it but I had just finished school, I had spent a month in London being an au-pair girl and I wasn’t ready. I was scared, I was alone and everybody around me seemed to have everything figured out.
Moreover, I had my huge extended family looking over my shoulder without giving an honest opinion. Just judging and making faces.
Anyway, first semester passed fairly easily. I did every exam I was supposed to do and I passed them all.
Further problems started to surface in the second semester. I felt like I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to leave the house, I didn’t want to go to Uni, I lied to my parents, to everyone. Every time I had to go to Uni, I’d feel like crying again. Even though the semester started in February, the first lesson I actually attended was at the end of March.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to say it because there are loads of people who actually suffer from this condition, but I self-diagnosed myself as depressed. I didn’t feel anything, didn’t care for anything and as soon as someone mentioned Uni, I *surprise surprise* started weeping like a baby.
When at the end of May, I did two of my four exams (I don’t want to brag but I am really proud of my 30/30 in English 🙂 ), for the two summer months I felt free…
But I am looking at my future, what I want to do in 2 years when Uni is over an at least of that I am sure: I’d like to be an english teacher.
And without a bachelor (actually a master’s) degree I cannot become a teacher and teach english in high school. And I have no intention of being an elementary school teacher.
A year ago I was so indecisive about everything… My life, my choices… I still am.
Frankly, I hope this year will be better. And I don’t mean University wise.
As of today I am ok. At least I think so. Let’s see what tomorrow is going to be like.